The Way Out is Through

The thing is, I have been at war with myself. Unintentionally, I have been fighting away what's meant for me. I realized that the things meant for me would not show up the way I wanted them to. And while I was striving for this, I realized that I was striving toward everything around it. But not it.

This realization was disheartening. But so humbling. I resisted so many opportunities. So many easy ones thinking it would be difficult. Not that it was, but more around how could be even easier than this.

The thing is, experience comes from deliberate practice. I can't think my way through my experiences. No matter how real it may seem in my mind. One of the most humbling things I fathomed yesterday, was to grow through my phases. I realized that I knew where I wanted to be. But, I have to build my way through towards it. I can't leap. It's not how it is. I have made this mistake before too. It's just that I didn't want to settle you know? But I am beginning to believe that even those circumstances can only be received by going through my experiences, and not bypassing them.

Every block is a threshold, and each of these has a story. The thing is, I can't think my way through my life. I have to fully and actively participate and experience it to move forward.

Another thing I realized is while my point of view matters, the other person's point of view is equally real and valid to them. One can never know what advice (though I might not fully agree with it) can help me move forward.

These have been lessons in humility for me. I have been controlling so many of my experiences, instead of allowing myself to fall, and come up again. Maybe life is all just about this.

Anyway, I have decided to really go (and grow) through my phases. And as much as possible, not think my way through it. The nervous system understands and gets comfortable through real experiences, and not through thoughts alone.

I am surrendering to this experience, and allowing humility to influence my human experience and the person I am becoming.