Lately, I have been wondering what it means to live a soft life. For me, it has meant dissolving the hard labels and perspectives that keep me bound in a specific reality and a hostile nervous system. It is about not fighting yourself, for the feelings and experiences you deem true of you. Embracing them. Accepting them.
I had read somewhere - that 'it is about our capacity to handle joy'. I have read a lot about how experiencing joy is our natural state. Our context, upbringing, and the way our parents responded to our needs - all come together to form our nervous system.
As children, we don't know how or what to express, and as a result, some of our needs go unmet. These experiences teach us to behave a certain way to get what we want. And while we are pleasing our way into acceptance, we lose the connection with our natural self. This creates different attachment styles and related nervous systems.
The thing is, our life is a series of unknown moments. However, living in a structured society has made us believe that certain linear paths provide our way to acceptance.
Every moment that we honour our capacity to handle joy, we are softening. It can be by expressing ourselves, taking up more space, speaking up when something is not okay with you, sharing your preferences, and communicating your feelings.
Each of us relates to circumstances differently. We all of different capacities with which we meet our reality and shared realities. These capacities are also varied, and incomparable. Because sometimes this can range also include no capacity. It is unfair when we compare capacities or realities against each other because each DNA of all our experiences is intricate, complex and inexplicable.
It all comes down to meeting your capacity and shifting your responses. This would require you to be an observer of your life experiences. Notice your response patterns. Whenever you see yourself criticising, judging or comparing and you commit to this pattern, you are creating a dissociation.
However, when you notice the above patterns, and decide that you'll respond differently, kindly and in a grounded state of mind, you already begin to soften your perceptions. You make space to lower your guards and give other people and most importantly yourself, a fair chance.
Shift your relations with guilt, shame and all the labels that keep you bound and hardened. Teach yourself that taking up space is not an inconvenience to others. Rather it's your human and divine birthright. Take up the space, and ask for what you want - even when, especially when you don't think you are deserving of it. Be embarrassingly shameless while you take up space. This is the very thing that can free you.
For me, this experience has been so humbling. Mainly because I never knew the different labels that I identified myself with, and how I would internally criticise others. This experience has allowed me to genuinely be kinder to myself and to others. It does get so difficult at times. But still, I try. The most important thing for me is that I show up to change, especially during the times when it's even more difficult for me.
The ego is afraid of letting go of the perception because it feels like it will lose control. We need to consciously teach our ego to be comfortable with the unknown, and most importantly about being kind to others. No one is out to get us. This is just our primal thinking. Everyone is just doing their thing, and we are doing our own.
It is a continuous practice of patience, compassion, empathy, and perseverance.
Life is a journey of learning, unlearning and re-learning. However, most importantly, I think that it's also a journey of being inspired by all that life has to offer and using it for creative expression and fulfilling experiences.
No comments:
Post a Comment