All versions of me, from the past long gone, the future yet to come and especially the version at this very moment right now, take immense pride in me. They all see me. They see me being courageous enough for all of them to work through and nurture the emotions that didn't serve me.
I absolutely revel in the fact. Just knowing this, brings so much joy, lightness and glee to my existence. For this has been MY measure of success. 💕
Today, I got a SMACK-IN-THE-FACE lesson in Humility. I hadn't quite understood this before, but I realized today, that all this time I was chasing something that was COMPLETELY EXTERNAL to me.
Now, I know, that although it may seem to me that I 'toughened' myself to have the ability to pull ANYTHING off, it means that I should do it no matter what the circumstance might be, right?
I realized that self-rootedness (practising my CORE values) lies only WITHIN me. Not the title that I am running after. And THIS was the difference between me a few years back, and me at THIS VERY MOMENT.
This incident has pushed me to practise humility and to graciously approach ANYTHING coming in my way. I realized that I have truly been self-absorbed when it especially came to my career. I didn't even realize it. I still remember Cassey Ho (with who I absolutely love to work out and truly is someone who I consider inspirational) said, "Chase the feeling of it". She meant chasing internal qualities of growth and the 'YAY I DID THIS, even when I didn't want to. I still got through it, and I LOVED THE PROCESS' feeling. These feelings usually mean that one has CROSSED a certain internal limitation that they faced at that point in time. This is something I usually practice, but I realized I didn't, for this part in life.
"Whatever makes you feel the sun from the inside out, chase that"
It's about pursuing wholesomeness, it's about confronting fears RIGHT IN THE FACE, it's about cultivating oneself, it's about the feeling of 'I'm so proud you did this, even when you didn't want to/ never thought you would'
As my mother, quite wisely laid it out to me today: "Your pride should not be your vanity"
A lot of things are easier said than done. And its reminders like these in life that tell you 'YOU AIN'T S*&T'. Yup, I most definitely needed this gentle reminder. A reminder to be kinder to me and to always (re)associate with my true self. BRB gotta go re-shuffle some priorities! Weeeeee! :D
All this emotional work seems to have awakened within me, a curious little explorer, who wants to get to know her emotions a whole lot better, so she can keep nurturing herself. So, I decided that I am going to take up emotions that I'm curious about and dismantle them so I just get to know them even better... Rather, an unpacking of sorts.
To begin with, vulnerability in its very essence, is to be bare. It is the art of practising being true in our own skin.
Vulnerable + Ability: To be vulnerable means being exposed to the possibility of being hurt. In this case, emotionally. So, its the ability of being open to the possibility knowing this. It means to be able to gently SMASH the protective, outwardly-pleasing defenses that one has created, possibly to save themselves from being outlandish or just to 'fit-in'... and being brave enough to get through it in anyway possible.
Somehow, this was the first emotion that I was instinctively drawn to. I think the reason was because a lot of times we tend be scared to be vulnerable. I was curious as to why it is that we tend be afraid to put ourselves forth. We're all so complexly, rather, intricately put together atoms and molecules, as flesh bags (a term that I recently learned of, and that which cracks me up everytime! :D)
When do you say someone is vulnerable? I think its all about perspectives. Usually, when someone addresses as themselves being vulnerable, it means that they recognize an emotion, so deep, so inexplicable, that usually they may not show it. However, a certain circumstance is somehow nudging them to bare it all out anyway. I use the word 'bare' because a lot of times, we tend to mask our emotions to keep going through our daily routines 'normally'.
When someone chooses to be vulnerable, it is an act of courage. Why courage you ask? Because the person, despite the external consequences chooses to speak out their truth. A lot of times one might be so scared to put across their thoughts. But expressing these thoughts, no matter what the outcome, feels necessary and sets them free.
'Courage means being terrified, but going forward anyway'
When someone is vulnerable due circumstances completely external to them, it teaches them humility. These teaching moments show us that this beautiful existence ISN'T EVEN ABOUT US. Its about taking life, as lightly as we possibly can. It about sharing, its about taking care of one another, its about accepting that as humans we are as wonderfully flawed as flawed can be, celebrating one another just as, LAUGHING A LOT and BEING SILLY for at that end of the day, we are all at the mercy of the almighty force that blesses us.
We are the way we are, for reasons unknown, all beyond our own selves. Vulnerability in its truest essence is to reveal yourself to you. So, a lot of times, it may seem hard, but just being honest with your own self is the first step of beginning to know whoever it is that you are. So vulnerability, also means standing up for you, even when sometimes you don't understand yourself. It is OKAY to not know sometimes. Or even a lot of times. For, you'll ALWAYS know within. =)
'The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of... We know the truth not only by the reason, but by the heart'
It is the ability to put forward this true self. Many people have already been doing this. You may know a LOT of these beautiful guardian angels all around you. They easily accept, love, laugh things off, cherish simple moments, and simply take life with a pinch of salt. Saying this, these people aren't 'vulnerable'. They are simply the light in and of life :)
Many a times, vulnerability is seen as a form of weakness. Rather, it is PURE STRENGTH, as it emboldens the person to speak their truth. The more we practise it, the more our truth becomes our sense of being. I personally, am striving to reach this level of wholesomeness, and to hopefully get there one day. Until then, my intention is to simply practise as much as I possibly can 0:)
I've been working with and through my inner self a lot, lately. And there's so much that I just WANT TO convey! However, I thought I'd simply address it one post at a time. I particularly think I enjoy doing this, because writing for me, is a form of self-expression. This release draws out so much clarity within.
I wanted to ponder a while over Emotions and Feelings. These words have been overtly associated with the intuitive mind of humans and are almost always used as a unit.
Now over to you, dear reader. Before you continue, I'd like you to pause and wonder over this: What do you think of Emotions?, How about Feelings? Kindly let me also know in the comments, so we can engage over this :)
Emotions, I suggest, are a more intrinsic quality of the mind. These are in-built reflex responses that process and familiarize yourself with your environment (even better, once you start getting acquainted with them). These are primal responses that are particularly meant to protect you. Additionally, these are causative in nature. Emotions are a result of the pure subconscious being subjected to environmental conditioning and self-perceptions. A lot of times emotions can't be particularly comprehended by the reasonable mind.
Feelings however are external reflections of emotions. A particular emotion can generate multiple feelings. For instance happiness, contentment and gratitude or tears, anger and frustration.
So well, peeking through this journey of mine, I realized the importance of working with emotions first, to overcome self. Recognize that emotions are simply 'parts' that are NOT YOU, but created by you as PROTECTIVE RESPONSES to external factors.
Working with emotions can be daunting at times. But getting to know them and breaking down the response patterns clarifies and helps transition perspectives. Scary, I know, YES. But LIBERATING, ALSO A MAGNIFICENT YES!! :D
