Creatures of Flight

I'm all set to go out on a limb with this, with a topic I am still learning about. But this truly is something that has in the recent months captured my heart and now, and an interest that I hope to cultivate! Last year, when the pandemic forced most of the world indoors, the only (and gratefully, I must add) element that exhibited vastness available to me was my window. I could easily see the beautiful, ever open skies. 

Many a time, when I lay in wonder or to take a break from a heavy workout or just life, I would simply stare out into this openness. So, here I go writing about some birds that I have come to learn of and still getting to know more each day :)

House Sparrows: 

The first set of birds that specifically caught my attention were the house sparrows. On one rainy day, a few of this poofie (puffed up) sparrows were perched upon the railings of my window. And I simply couldn't stop staring at their cuteness. After this episode, everyday I'd admiringly look at them as they stopped by for a little bird song. And I still lovingly do. In the cool winter mornings, I love how they poof up their feathers and become the cutest furballs :) 

Another thing that they do is completely adorable are dust baths. There are little patches of sand in the gated community that i live in. One day as I came back from my daily run, I noticed little craters in the sand. This looked strange and I wondered what it could be. A few days later, on a bright morning, I saw these little birds rolling in the sand and it absolutely captured my heart!

Gosh darn adorable!! 

The next thing that I observed was that the sparrows were of two types. One that was a little darker, with a phantom mask kind of look (also looked kind of grumpy D: ) The other looked plain but so pure, capturing my heart. Turns out, the former sparrow is male, and the latter, female. 

Male on the left, and the cuter female on the right :D

These tiny birds and their chirping still continue to be the reason behind my simple everyday joys. 

Crows:

I always seem to associate crows with a hint of nostalgia. Whenever I'd visit my grandparents in the summer vacation, the sound of crows was what stood out to me while I'd laze around in the afternoon heat. When I hear them still now, it reminds me of the sweet days. Also, I feel like crows have this aura that feels like they're ancient, noble souls. Probably because I still associate them with my childhood. I feel a deep sort of reverence for them as well. 

I most definitely feel a homely familiarity with Crows :)

Also, looking at crows in pairs is absolute bliss! They look so mesmerized by each others' companionship. The rom-coms have got nothing on them! 

Kite:

I think most of us tend to be confused among large birds such as the eagle, falcon, and the kite. However, this I know is the kite because one of my professor's had once humorously told us that the bird we excitedly look out for as an eagle, is but a kite. 

Weeeeeee!

Unlike the other bird species, which we can usually see flying in a flock or sometimes in groups of 2-3, Kites usually can be seen flying in lone. It usually can be seen flying upwards from a height of about & over 15-20 m from the ground level. 

It's wings open up to a glorious span and are outstretched to its full extent in flight. When i looked at a Kite flying above, its wings hang above like a protective shade. Its chocolate brown color and the golden glow of the sun simply adds to this bird's extravagance. And when it flies, it looks like a magnificent, well built, steady paper airplane simply gazing through the open skies.

Mayna:

It is said that it is a good luck charm to see these birds in pairs. You can hear these birds twittering in the bright mornings, and oh, they're such a delight to hear! :) Every time I see them, the yellow design around their eyes remind me of superhero masks.

Posting one for good luck! :) 

Along with these usually spotted birds, I was introduced to some new bird species that instantly captured my curiosity.  

Common Tailor bird: 

This is a new bird I came across. I used to call it a hummingbird because of its tiny size. This bird hangs out in my mother's balcony garden in the mornings. . it hops around the lemongrass and the eucalyptus plants and admires the flowers and within a flash, flies away. It is a tiny bird with light shades of yellow and olive green on its body and long point orange beak. It is the sweetest little bird. I call it tiny because its size is smaller than that of a sparrow! Oh, and it chirps so melodiously. Totally makes my morning!

Do you see how adorably poofy it is??! 

Purple Rumped Sunbird: 

This is a beautiful neon bird, also tiny, but more stubby. Once I was fortunate enough to see three of these on rainy day on the window ledge. And they happened to be chirping their melodies in all of their glory. 

Hard to miss, cause of its beautiful neon yellowish color! 

White Spotted Fantail:  

The first time I saw the bird, it reminded me of a mini version of the peacock. All of its feathers, as its name suggests, open as a fan in all of its glory. Its brownish feathers gleams in the sunlight. The bird looks like a mini jet plane when it flies, with its small winged arms fully outstretched. Their chirps are loud, long and firm. 

Its flamboyant profile makes it look like it is ready for a performance

Red Vented Bulbul: 

For me, at first glance, the bird looked like a large bodied sparrow with a furry bear-like face. These distinctive features definitely makes it stand out from the other bird species.

Red Whiskered Bulbul:

Saw these outside my balcony for the first time ever. These birds are so lovely. Their red cheeks and black horn are their identifying feature. Also saw them in pairs. And I was blissfully glad after their appearance :) 

Oh their sweet cheeks!

Magpie Robin: 

This looked so similar to the fantail bird, mainly because of its dark and white colours. However, after some few glances, I realized that these are two different birds. 

Perched upon a tree branch, in absolute solitude

Pigeons: 

There's this quote that has quite captured my attention. 'On some days you're the statue, on the other days you're the pigeon'. Yes, last but not the least, the mighty, infamous, and don't give a damn where I poop, the Pigeon. I am one of those people (rather, still am) who absolutely lies in the 'I don't like Pigeons category'. They're gross and they're pooping all the time, everywhere. 

Definitely a class apart! 

However, as I began bird-watching this year, i observed how gracefully pigeons fly. YES! Don't believe me? Look out your window and watch their divine performance. As compared to all the other birds. So elegant, graceful, maybe even dance like I'd like to add. When I watch them glazing over the open skies at a tremendous height, I wonder what it's really like to be that pigeon. I probably still don't like them as much (hey, they still poop a LOT!!), but gosh darn, I get so dreamy-eyed when I see them glide in front of my window. Infact, when asked what bird are you, I wouldn't even hesitate even for a beat to reply that I would like to be related to a Pigeon! 

The names of many of these birds, I came across while I was writing this article. Its so fascinating to know that each have a name and I get to know them even better now. I might not know much right now, but I'm still observing and processing. I still have so much to learn and even more that I am curious about. I honestly still revel each day, at how wonderfully precious each of these birds are. And, I am so glad to have this keen interest in them. Hoping to add more to the list! 

Simply gazing at them alone taught me so many things about each of these birds. How each bird in their own species is also so distinct, like they have their own personality just as humans do. Many of the birds do not even sing in tune. It sounds like they simply express what instinctively comes to them, melodious or not. 

Lastly, the post reminds me of a song I'd learned in school. 

'She perched on the green lemon tree, the bird,

With colours so lovely to see, 

With her bright yellow bill, she pecked and pecked,

The leaves of the green lemon tree.

Aye, aye, aye, aye, the colours are fair to see,

But none of them can compare with, the bird on the green lemon tree' 

*PS: All the photos have been sourced from Google for the blog post. 

My Measure of Success

All versions of me, from the past long gone, the future yet to come and especially the version at this very moment right now, take immense pride in me. They all see me. They see me being courageous enough for all of them to work through and nurture the emotions that didn't serve me. 

I absolutely revel in the fact. Just knowing this, brings so much joy, lightness and glee to my existence. For this has been MY measure of success. 💕

A Lesson in Humility

Today, I got a SMACK-IN-THE-FACE lesson in Humility. I hadn't quite understood this before, but I realized today, that all this time I was chasing something that was COMPLETELY EXTERNAL to me. 

Now, I know, that although it may seem to me that I 'toughened' myself to have the ability to pull ANYTHING off, it means that I should do it no matter what the circumstance might be, right?

I realized that self-rootedness (practising my CORE values) lies only WITHIN me. Not the title that I am running after. And THIS was the difference between me a few years back, and me at THIS VERY MOMENT. 

This incident has pushed me to practise humility and to graciously approach ANYTHING coming in my way. I realized that I have truly been self-absorbed when it especially came to my career. I didn't even realize it. I still remember Cassey Ho (with who I absolutely love to work out and truly is someone who I consider inspirational) said, "Chase the feeling of it". She meant chasing internal qualities of growth and the 'YAY I DID THIS, even when I didn't want to. I still got through it, and I LOVED THE PROCESS' feeling. These feelings usually mean that one has CROSSED a certain internal limitation that they faced at that point in time. This is something I usually practice, but I realized I didn't, for this part in life. 

"Whatever makes you feel the sun from the inside out, chase that"

It's about pursuing wholesomeness, it's about confronting fears RIGHT IN THE FACE, it's about cultivating oneself, it's about the feeling of 'I'm so proud you did this, even when you didn't want to/ never thought you would'

As my mother, quite wisely laid it out to me today: "Your pride should not be your vanity"

A lot of things are easier said than done. And its reminders like these in life that tell you 'YOU AIN'T S*&T'. Yup, I most definitely needed this gentle reminder. A reminder to be kinder to me and to always (re)associate with my true self. BRB gotta go re-shuffle some priorities! Weeeeee! :D

An Exploration in Vulnerability

All this emotional work seems to have awakened within me, a curious little explorer, who wants to get to know her emotions a whole lot better, so she can keep nurturing herself. So, I decided that I am going to take up emotions that I'm curious about and dismantle them so I just get to know them even better... Rather, an unpacking of sorts. 

To begin with, vulnerability in its very essence, is to be bare. It is the art of practising being true in our own skin. 

Vulnerable + Ability: To be vulnerable means being exposed to the possibility of being hurt. In this case, emotionally. So, its the ability of being open to the possibility knowing this. It means to be able to gently SMASH the protective, outwardly-pleasing defenses that one has created, possibly to save themselves from being outlandish or just to 'fit-in'... and being brave enough to get through it in anyway possible.

Somehow, this was the first emotion that I was instinctively drawn to. I think the reason was because a lot of times we tend be scared to be vulnerable. I was curious as to why it is that we tend be afraid to put ourselves forth. We're all so complexly, rather, intricately put together atoms and molecules, as flesh bags (a term that I recently learned of, and that which cracks me up everytime! :D)

When do you say someone is vulnerable? I think its all about perspectives. Usually, when someone addresses as themselves being vulnerable, it means that they recognize an emotion, so deep, so inexplicable, that usually they may not show it. However, a certain circumstance is somehow nudging them to bare it all out anyway. I use the word 'bare' because a lot of times, we tend to mask our emotions to keep going through our daily routines 'normally'. 

When someone chooses to be vulnerable, it is an act of courage. Why courage you ask? Because the person, despite the external consequences chooses to speak out their truth. A lot of times one might be so scared to put across their thoughts. But expressing these thoughts, no matter what the outcome, feels necessary and sets them free. 

'Courage means being terrified, but going forward anyway'

When someone is vulnerable due circumstances completely external to them, it teaches them humility. These teaching moments show us that this beautiful existence ISN'T EVEN ABOUT US. Its about taking life, as lightly as we possibly can. It about sharing, its about taking care of one another, its about accepting that as humans we are as wonderfully flawed as flawed can be, celebrating one another just as, LAUGHING A LOT and BEING SILLY for at that end of the day, we are all at the mercy of the almighty force that blesses us.

Tough love!! (tee hee! :D)

We are the way we are, for reasons unknown, all beyond our own selves. Vulnerability in its truest essence is to reveal yourself to you. So, a lot of times, it may seem hard, but just being honest with your own self is the first step of beginning to know whoever it is that you are. So vulnerability, also means standing up for you, even when sometimes you don't understand yourself. It is OKAY to not know sometimes. Or even a lot of times. For, you'll ALWAYS know within. =)

'The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of... We know the truth not only by the reason, but by the heart'

It is the ability to put forward this true self. Many people have already been doing this. You may know a LOT of these beautiful guardian angels all around you. They easily accept, love, laugh things off, cherish simple moments, and simply take life with a pinch of salt. Saying this, these people aren't 'vulnerable'. They are simply the light in and of life :)

Many a times, vulnerability is seen as a form of weakness. Rather, it is PURE STRENGTH, as it emboldens the person to speak their truth. The more we practise it, the more our truth becomes our sense of being. I personally, am striving to reach this level of wholesomeness, and to hopefully get there one day. Until then, my intention is to simply practise as much as I possibly can 0:)

Getting to Know Thyself

I've been working with and through my inner self a lot, lately. And there's so much that I just WANT TO convey! However, I thought I'd simply address it one post at a time. I particularly think I enjoy doing this, because writing for me, is a form of self-expression. This release draws out so much clarity within.

I wanted to ponder a while over Emotions and Feelings. These words have been overtly associated with the intuitive mind of humans and are almost always used as a unit. 

Now over to you, dear reader. Before you continue, I'd like you to pause and wonder over this: What do you think of Emotions?, How about Feelings? Kindly let me also know in the comments, so we can engage over this :)

Emotions, I suggest, are a more intrinsic quality of the mind. These are in-built reflex responses that process and familiarize yourself with your environment (even better, once you start getting acquainted with them). These are primal responses that are particularly meant to protect you. Additionally, these are causative in nature. Emotions are a result of the pure subconscious being subjected to environmental conditioning and self-perceptions. A lot of times emotions can't be particularly comprehended by the reasonable mind. 

Feelings however are external reflections of emotions. A particular emotion can generate multiple feelings. For instance happiness, contentment and gratitude or tears, anger and frustration.

So well, peeking through this journey of mine, I realized the importance of working with emotions first, to overcome self. Recognize that emotions are simply 'parts' that are NOT YOU, but created by you as PROTECTIVE RESPONSES to external factors. 

Me confronting a protective emotion

Source: FLAWD, Emily-Anne Rigal

Working with emotions can be daunting at times. But getting to know them and breaking down the response patterns clarifies and helps transition perspectives. Scary, I know, YES. But LIBERATING, ALSO A MAGNIFICENT YES!! :D

Unearthing, Excavations & Exploration

I used to think that having an optimistic perspective towards life is a really good personality trait to embody. I have always strived to keep my head held high and always do my absolute best no matter what came along my way. In fact, most of the expressions in this open diary of mine, serves a reminder of all the time that has passed by, and how generally, my outlook has completely transformed. I still come back to wander along my posts fondly, mainly because these were simply, heartfelt emotions expressed at one go. 

This year, however, I had to look deeper within (like all of this wasn't profound enough already. Phew!). An extremely significant realization dawned upon me. While I was going along keeping myself as optimistic as I possibly could, I kept deliberately neglecting my conflicting emotions. In fact, after sometime, I realized the physical exhaustion that accompanied the minds' turmoil. 

I even know why this happened. I did this because confronting these emotions meant going through a bout of these uncomfortable feelings once again. And I felt like addressing them may lead me to spiral into a negative void, which I was extremely fearful of. The neglect towards these emotions was to the extent that I had no option but to go within and take care of them, in anyway that I possibly could.

Lightening the post with the cutest bunny mukbang. tee hee :D

The first thing I did, was to acknowledge, that emotions ARE HUMAN. Whether they feel exhilarating or extremely daunting, they're all still exclusively mine to feel. This doesn't mean that I have to, in anyway dwell in the discomfort. Rather, just recognizing its existence will bring it out to me from within, what it is that I have overlooked, the perspectives I need to work on to transform and what exactly it is about this emotion that is holding me back from doing something absolutely astounding for myself. 

This was probably one of the biggest breakthroughs of my life. Mainly, because working on this, has shifted my idea of 'self' and changed the way I view circumstances, people and my dreams. 

One book that has tremendously helped me, is 'Gifts of Imperfection' by Brene Brown. She specifically brings forth concepts of Shame and Guilt to work through upon it. I'll be very honest. These words scared me. I thought naming these 'negative' emotions might make me feel the same way. However, now, I wanted to go through it. I wanted to address these emotions. Reading this helped me realize that while I was deliberately ignoring some of my emotions, I was also blocking my own way towards learning and my creative pathways to whoever it is that I am becoming. 

All I can say is, working through the uncomfortable emotions, will truly contribute to liberating your inner world. My perspective now is that, anytime I feel an emotion that might particularly distress me, I welcome it whole heartedly. I see what are my habitual reactions towards something, and why is it, that I feel that way. I simply see the emotion as something that might have overlooked.

Resonation. Credits to the writer of the post

It is true what many say about learning, that it continues life long. If anything at all, this inner work now, feels more like an adventure. In fact, exploring these emotions have been a phenomenal experience. And you know what the best part is? Its that I never knew that there is SO MUCH MORE to this 'self' that I had contained myself to.

The journey is daunting, exhausting, wreaks havoc, messes the mind even to the lowest of the lows. But to be really honest, I now comprehend how intrinsically human emotions are. And that it truly is a privilege to feel all of it, each in its own glory. Recognize that all emotions are yours to feel. The good, the bad, the ugly: they are still, all, you :)

Every time I express something like this, I feel a significant revelation of my emotions. I think the more we experience it, the more it significant it means to us.

Through the journey, I also began to understand what life and our existence is truly meant for and the (in)significance of everything that is external to us. Our hearts, minds, thoughts, feelings and emotions are so viscerally distinct from one another and so specifically our own. That is what makes each and everyone/(thing) of us, so preciously invaluable.

Yeah, totally NOT the archaeological expedition adventure article you were seeking! (Tee hee! :D)

All In

To give it all you've got. I mean, after all, you are the only one who gets to decide at the end of the day, if you've done whatever it is that you feel you have to do. Whether we consciously know it or not, and for whatever reason that it may be, we tend to set certain benchmarks for ourselves. 

Something that I have learned for myself is that there will always be a choice to make. At crossroads, one tends to feel that maybe one option weighs more than the other. But we'll never know what lies beyond each decision anyway. I've decided for me that, when I make a decision, to go all-in with it. All the way through. 

'There is freedom waiting for you, on the breezes of the sky, and you ask, "What if I fall?", Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?'

This means that one has to completely cast aside everything that one knows and is familiar with. It means to dive into unfamiliar territory with firmness and ferocity, not knowing what may happen. And incessantly choosing that, what your heart calls out for. There is no turning back either way. This easily provides for the strength, courage and the resolve needed to give it all you got. 

When I do this, I get so much clarity from all the actions that I have taken with it. I get guided towards new perspectives, new trains of thought, new realizations. I get to create a whole new universe for myself, just with a simple choice.

I like to think that I was Marcus Aurelius in my past life. This idea in itself brings me so much glee! Tee Hee! :D

Now, that being said, one doesn't have to "stick" to the choice itself. You can always pick values from potential choices and make them intrinsically you. You get to selectively recreate yourself each moment. I mean, you get to have your cake and eat it too! :D

Buttered Toast

Today seems like one of those days, where I am feeling extremely gracious. It's just that lately, I seem to absolutely revel in my pace of every day, ordinary moments. I think this is what it means to appreciate the subtleties of life.. when writers especially, convey about soaking in the pleasures of every moment, that each moment becomes so meaningful in itself. 

Maybe it was something about the weather.... gloomy, chilly, rainy.. I just feel like cozying up and experiencing all the books that I have so meticulously collected.... of places, flavours and newfound emotions, simply enraptured in my moment of  bliss... :) 

I truly pray for anyone who needs this, to feel this way. Simply, fleeting, twirling, prancing, skipping, swaying, humming, through their moments, every day.. Just because :)  

I came across this gleeful prose, that absolutely made my morning :)

Today, and every day, I hope you have a wonderful day. :)

Thoughts, Simply

I wanted to simply let free to graze on what I have been feeling lately. 

Overall, I feel neutral. I don't know what I am doing, or where I am going.. However, my thoughts, feelings and actions concerning my existence in general, feel significantly meaningful. 

I think that my attitude towards myself and my perspectives on everything external to me have transcended. in the sense, I do not "make anything" of any circumstance.. Instead, I'm just living in presence, with complete awareness, acceptance and purpose (It is something that I consider my purpose. Not that I specifically need it, but it seems magical to be guided by it). 

I have overtly surrendered to the almighty, gracious force to simply lead me towards what calls me. To be very honest, the experience has been extremely nerve-wracking, to say the least, however, the glee and stillness that I feel OUTWEIGHS everything else. In the uncertainty lies infinite possibilities, another reality I have learned to love & embrace for myself. The journey has been graciously rewarding.

Words can sometimes be inadequate to express what one feels. However, I think that just being able to recognize or simply allow, what one feels is more than enough to continue the joy of living. 

oooommffff! such a cutie!

Recently, I read about a concept, suggested by Albert Camus, called Absurdism. To cut it short, it conveys that there is no particular 'reason' as such to exist. So, there is no reason why people 'search' for meaning. Just like the birds, animals, plants and other natural beings, who simply exist, each interconnected within their own significance. However, I personally think that the idea of being a human in itself opens up so many possibilities. We are considered the most 'evolved', from all other living beings. For humans have thoughts, which also fosters tangible creativity. What also possibly distinguishes us is our intent to manoeuvre through our personal choices. . And this unique characteristic enables us to give meaning to our existence, co-create culture and live in harmony with our natural ecology.  So isn't that something to marvel about? :)

What Influences You?

The other day, I had a new thought. What is it that  Influences me? 

I pondered over this for a little while..... And I didn't have an answer to it right away. Maybe because I didn't understand what it meant. But the question felt so important, that I wanted to answer it - for myself, to know myself. 

I think rather than the thing itself, it is more about how one wants to be influenced. And it all comes down to choices.

I've made quite some drastic changes in my life past few months. And I take great pride and say this with the firmest resolve of my heart that - THIS IS IT.  I MADE IT. And I did it for me. 

I bring this up because lately, I felt like I had lost myself. And I didn't like it one bit. I missed me too much and I needed me back. It was at this time that I realized that I was allowing every little irrelevant thing that didn't even matter to the slightest, to influence me in every possible way. 

The gorgeousness that is radiating out of this beautiful flower :)

As I built myself back, brick-by-brick, I was so tremendously gentle with each and every corner of myself. Most importantly I didn't give up on the person that I am destined to be. 

Right this very minute, as I sit here pouring my heart into this and baring it out to the world because I want to, I can truly say that everyone, everything and every experience does influence me. But this time I FIRMLY CHOOSE the aspect that I want to be influenced by. 

It is so freeing and rewarding to choose the elements that you want to ultimately shape you, so you inhabit the TRUEST version of you.

Another thing that influences me is the 'True Me'. 'True Me' is someone who I truly know I am. Somehow, when you KNOW that you are deserving of every little thing that your heart calls out for, you'll do ANYTHING & EVERYTHING to get your act together. 'True Me' provides me with the Faith, the Courage, the Drive and the Resolve to Keep Going & Live out the Purpose of my Existence - NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES. Now if that isn't the greatest influence, what even is? :) 

A heart-shaped Strawberry. Isn't this Gorgeous?

Something that has influenced me since forever - is Music. Happy, Sad, Excited what have you, I turn to it. It keeps me grounded, inspired and provides me with the softest blanket of comfort. I'm still amazed at how music has the power to transform and transcend. I'll always look up to it. 

One last thing that I have now learned influences me are my thoughts - without which I wouldn't have been able to write this. Holding the reins of thoughts & directing it towards you, guides you towards the answers within, that you've always been looking for. 

I don't know why I wanted to write about this. However, I feel that letting this out brought so much clarity even to me. I didn't think it was possible to frame certain thoughts into words. But somehow when you try, it just does, and it all just pieces in together. And something just told me, that I need to share this. And so I did. 

Well, now to you, to the one reading this, what is it that influences you? 

#8

And that's what happiness is like. It's a beautiful thing. When you open your eyes to the breathtaking glow of the early morning sun to begin your day. And when live your life for the day, feelingly and wholesomely just as it is meant to be, leading you through it, you already are experiencing that beautiful thing. 

To your entire existence, you are someone to be thankful for. For you might be making someone happy at this very moment, even if that someone is you. You may not realize this, but just by living like this, moment to moment, you are simply living in it. In what can simply be phrased as, life. :) 

#7

Only we ourselves can continue to walk the road we're taking. Keep going. Keep at it. Especially when there is that one thing that we love, it will drive us to keep going. Our love for that one thing that makes us, us, is BIGGER than anything else. 

Jackson Wang