Today, I got a SMACK-IN-THE-FACE lesson in Humility. I hadn't quite understood this before, but I realized today, that all this time I was chasing something that was COMPLETELY EXTERNAL to me.
Now, I know, that although it may seem to me that I 'toughened' myself to have the ability to pull ANYTHING off, it means that I should do it no matter what the circumstance might be, right?
I realized that self-rootedness (practising my CORE values) lies only WITHIN me. Not the title that I am running after. And THIS was the difference between me a few years back, and me at THIS VERY MOMENT.
This incident has pushed me to practise humility and to graciously approach ANYTHING coming in my way. I realized that I have truly been self-absorbed when it especially came to my career. I didn't even realize it. I still remember Cassey Ho (with who I absolutely love to work out and truly is someone who I consider inspirational) said, "Chase the feeling of it". She meant chasing internal qualities of growth and the 'YAY I DID THIS, even when I didn't want to. I still got through it, and I LOVED THE PROCESS' feeling. These feelings usually mean that one has CROSSED a certain internal limitation that they faced at that point in time. This is something I usually practice, but I realized I didn't, for this part in life.
"Whatever makes you feel the sun from the inside out, chase that"
It's about pursuing wholesomeness, it's about confronting fears RIGHT IN THE FACE, it's about cultivating oneself, it's about the feeling of 'I'm so proud you did this, even when you didn't want to/ never thought you would'
As my mother, quite wisely laid it out to me today: "Your pride should not be your vanity"
A lot of things are easier said than done. And its reminders like these in life that tell you 'YOU AIN'T S*&T'. Yup, I most definitely needed this gentle reminder. A reminder to be kinder to me and to always (re)associate with my true self. BRB gotta go re-shuffle some priorities! Weeeeee! :D
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