Unearthing, Excavations & Exploration

I used to think that having an optimistic perspective towards life is a really good personality trait to embody. I have always strived to keep my head held high and always do my absolute best no matter what came along my way. In fact, most of the expressions in this open diary of mine, serves a reminder of all the time that has passed by, and how generally, my outlook has completely transformed. I still come back to wander along my posts fondly, mainly because these were simply, heartfelt emotions expressed at one go. 

This year, however, I had to look deeper within (like all of this wasn't profound enough already. Phew!). An extremely significant realization dawned upon me. While I was going along keeping myself as optimistic as I possibly could, I kept deliberately neglecting my conflicting emotions. In fact, after sometime, I realized the physical exhaustion that accompanied the minds' turmoil. 

I even know why this happened. I did this because confronting these emotions meant going through a bout of these uncomfortable feelings once again. And I felt like addressing them may lead me to spiral into a negative void, which I was extremely fearful of. The neglect towards these emotions was to the extent that I had no option but to go within and take care of them, in anyway that I possibly could.

Lightening the post with the cutest bunny mukbang. tee hee :D

The first thing I did, was to acknowledge, that emotions ARE HUMAN. Whether they feel exhilarating or extremely daunting, they're all still exclusively mine to feel. This doesn't mean that I have to, in anyway dwell in the discomfort. Rather, just recognizing its existence will bring it out to me from within, what it is that I have overlooked, the perspectives I need to work on to transform and what exactly it is about this emotion that is holding me back from doing something absolutely astounding for myself. 

This was probably one of the biggest breakthroughs of my life. Mainly, because working on this, has shifted my idea of 'self' and changed the way I view circumstances, people and my dreams. 

One book that has tremendously helped me, is 'Gifts of Imperfection' by Brene Brown. She specifically brings forth concepts of Shame and Guilt to work through upon it. I'll be very honest. These words scared me. I thought naming these 'negative' emotions might make me feel the same way. However, now, I wanted to go through it. I wanted to address these emotions. Reading this helped me realize that while I was deliberately ignoring some of my emotions, I was also blocking my own way towards learning and my creative pathways to whoever it is that I am becoming. 

All I can say is, working through the uncomfortable emotions, will truly contribute to liberating your inner world. My perspective now is that, anytime I feel an emotion that might particularly distress me, I welcome it whole heartedly. I see what are my habitual reactions towards something, and why is it, that I feel that way. I simply see the emotion as something that might have overlooked.

Resonation. Credits to the writer of the post

It is true what many say about learning, that it continues life long. If anything at all, this inner work now, feels more like an adventure. In fact, exploring these emotions have been a phenomenal experience. And you know what the best part is? Its that I never knew that there is SO MUCH MORE to this 'self' that I had contained myself to.

The journey is daunting, exhausting, wreaks havoc, messes the mind even to the lowest of the lows. But to be really honest, I now comprehend how intrinsically human emotions are. And that it truly is a privilege to feel all of it, each in its own glory. Recognize that all emotions are yours to feel. The good, the bad, the ugly: they are still, all, you :)

Every time I express something like this, I feel a significant revelation of my emotions. I think the more we experience it, the more it significant it means to us.

Through the journey, I also began to understand what life and our existence is truly meant for and the (in)significance of everything that is external to us. Our hearts, minds, thoughts, feelings and emotions are so viscerally distinct from one another and so specifically our own. That is what makes each and everyone/(thing) of us, so preciously invaluable.

Yeah, totally NOT the archaeological expedition adventure article you were seeking! (Tee hee! :D)

All In

To give it all you've got. I mean, after all, you are the only one who gets to decide at the end of the day, if you've done whatever it is that you feel you have to do. Whether we consciously know it or not, and for whatever reason that it may be, we tend to set certain benchmarks for ourselves. 

Something that I have learned for myself is that there will always be a choice to make. At crossroads, one tends to feel that maybe one option weighs more than the other. But we'll never know what lies beyond each decision anyway. I've decided for me that, when I make a decision, to go all-in with it. All the way through. 

'There is freedom waiting for you, on the breezes of the sky, and you ask, "What if I fall?", Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?'

This means that one has to completely cast aside everything that one knows and is familiar with. It means to dive into unfamiliar territory with firmness and ferocity, not knowing what may happen. And incessantly choosing that, what your heart calls out for. There is no turning back either way. This easily provides for the strength, courage and the resolve needed to give it all you got. 

When I do this, I get so much clarity from all the actions that I have taken with it. I get guided towards new perspectives, new trains of thought, new realizations. I get to create a whole new universe for myself, just with a simple choice.

I like to think that I was Marcus Aurelius in my past life. This idea in itself brings me so much glee! Tee Hee! :D

Now, that being said, one doesn't have to "stick" to the choice itself. You can always pick values from potential choices and make them intrinsically you. You get to selectively recreate yourself each moment. I mean, you get to have your cake and eat it too! :D