So as I sit infront of my laptop screen wondering what to do next, with the clock ticking and the New Year's Day just a couple of hours away, I decide to post my last blog post of 2015.
So what can I say?
2015 has truly been a very eventful year for me. It no doubt has been a roller coaster ride for me. And more than that, a year where I have finally come at peace with myself.
It has taught me lessons that is going to remain with me forever and also got me ready for whatever it is that is waiting for me in 2016.
Here's to 2016.
Here's to becoming stronger and looking forward to a year that is filled with hope, blessings, love, peace and beautiful memories.
Hope y'all have an amazing end to this year.. And I wish only the best in the coming year!
Thank you 2015.
You were good to me :)
Your life is a mirror that you created. Your dressing sense, your taste in music, movies, performing arts, the food that you love so much, the choices you make, even the jokes that you choose to laugh on,your thoughts. Everything is a reflection of who you are as a person. It defines your personality.
One of my friends once taught me, that whenever something bad is happening, take a break, take a deep breath and ask myself, what is it that I'm doing to attract this kind of a situation? And what is it that I can do to change it?
Ofcourse, i don't remember to do it everytime, but I try and do it as often as possible because then, it takes away my chance to point a finger and blame the world for my choices.
What sure did change my life was learning that I do have a control over how people treat me and what I will continue to go through. After all, what you think is what you will be.
And most importantly, even if I'm not the one making the mistakes, I can can still figure out what I can do differently to stop the mistakes from heading my way.
Granted, that manier times you will go through things in life you can't control. But let me just say this - Two people can be put in the exact same scenario and have two totally different reactions and experiences.
Take responsibility and make good choices today because everything in your life, everything that you do, reflects who you are!
When something goes wrong in your life, just yell "PLOT TWIST!" and move on!! :D
PS - There's someone I'd love to really dedicate this post, and that's Pooja!! Pooja you know, that if it wasn't for you that day, I'd be a wreck! Had you not given me the strength and confidence to overcome it, I probably wouldn't even had that teeniest tiniest faith left.. Thank you for being "somebody to lean" And I love you to death for that. I'll never ever forget. That day changed me.
PPS - A special shoutout to my fellow classmate, blogger and a mentor/guide/critic Swaraj for giving me the push I needed to start writing after a long break!! Thank you so much Bheem!! :D
One of my previous posts, titled "A Cry for Help!" was written during a really depressive phase I was going through, that lasted more than a couple of months.
And today, finally, I suddenly had this need to share it.
I was depressed for probably over a year. All I wanted to do, was sleep. Waking up was a huge task. Because what was the point of waking up anyway? And when you're going through it, even the most amazing days seem to have a grey cloud hovering over it, constantly reminding you that life's not all a bed of roses, and soon it'll rain again.
And the toughest part about this is that, I didn't want to get better, although I knew very well what I was going through. I was hurting really bad and had got so used to it, that even after the 5 minute streak of happiness, I'd go into my dark phase in no time. I had got really accustomed to the feeling. I didn't want to get out of my comfort zone.
Depression is very quiet, and anybody can fall a victim to it.
And people who are victims to it, generally do not like to share it with anyone. Instead, whenever they go outside into the world, they put on the biggest smile that they have, and flaunt it out to the world, that their life is all good and hunky dory. And when others see them, they cannot even guess what's going on behind that evergreen smile.
The only person who is surely able to detect this is not anyone, but you yourself. And this is because disguising it so much better than talking to anyone about it. And the more happier and cheerful, the lesser they'll know.
There were recurring suicidal thoughts, and not to mention countless failed attempts. And also a number of panic attacks. After a while, nothing matters. Not one thing. You start getting detached to all kinds of emotions. You don't understand what's the difference between being happy or sad, or being angry even, because it all feels the same.
But then, one fine day, you'll reach a breaking point and snap. And my God, do you break.
I've read we must talk to someone about it, but to be honest, this isn't the solution. Because no one can actually fully understand what you're going through. And to be honest, a lot of people do not take this seriously. They say, it'll get better. But then, that kind of assurance isn't what's needed at all. And when you see that people don't understand, it'll just add on more to the emotional baggage, and you feel like a wreck for bringing it up.
But what's really important is that you have patience. You must have belief that one day, everything will be okay.
Have patience with everything, and most importantly, have patience with yourself.
And soon enough, you'll realise that being, depressed won't take you anywhere. Your world is a standstill whereas everyone else is moving forward.
And these kind of thoughts slowly start pushing you out of your shell.
I needed more than one hand to count how many times that I thought, I might end it all.
And these are the times that I thank God that not all of my prayers were answered.
How I got through/ still getting through it :
Being sad and depressed won't really take me anywhere, it won't help me accomplish my goals that I'd set for myself.
I realised my passion for music and pushed to start over.
I changed my negative thoughts to positive thoughts. And most importantly always saw the positives in the worst scenarios. And this isn't just for one day. You need to push yourself to make an effort to change your thoughts to good and happy thoughts. Because, what you think, is what you will be.
I started writing about what exactly I was feeling. Each and every thought that came into my mind. And after that, I'd feel a kind of release. And soon after I'd delete them (Phone notes). It would feel as though I've deleted all the negative energy.
As music once again, was my means of escape and I'd sing out really loud and soon feel better. Trust me this works! It may feel temporary, but sure enough, the feeling stays.
I also started learning a language that I've always wanted to learn, but never got the opportunity to.
I kept a to do list and kept myself as busy as I could.
I started working out, and eating right. Although that's on a pause right now, it's played a major role in getting better.
Never ever depend on others for anything. You want something? Get it done on your own. It's better than being let down by someone you thought wouldn't.
And most importantly, I started counting my blessings and realised that I'm so blessed to have good health and an amazing family, and the basic "roti-kapda-makaan", and soon, I started being thankful and grateful to God for a lot of things.
Also, start accepting yourself. Embrace yourself. Unless you respect yourself, you can't expect others to do the same to you. Appreciate the smallest of the small things, and it's only then that you can completely and wholly appreciate the big things.
Cry. Keep going until you feel a little bit better. You're going to be super depressed if you don't yet. But just hang on, it's going to be super tough. Trust me. I wouldn't want to wish it upon anyone. But I can't say 'stay strong' because you feel weak in every possible way. Mentally, emotionally and physically. But you gotta tell yourself that everything is going to be okay. Not tonight, nor tomorrow nor the next month or anytime soon. Venting out the frustration is necessary, and the more you hold in, the more it's going to hit you as the time passes. I would cry myself to sleep every night and wake up tired and empty the next morning.
I have been depressed, and now I've written about it too. I've learned that leaning on to others is not always an option, because after a certain time, they may get irritated, and that may just add fuel to the depression and to most importantly focus on the betterment on the personal well being.
The depression I'd gone through was terribly physical to the extent that I didn't even feel like moving, or for that matter, I'd feel really tired even after a heavy 12 hour sleep.
Depression was like this warm cozy blanket, that I was really comfortable under. I hid under it for so many months and it was necessary that some day, I get out of it. Also, I started realising what depression was doing to me, and this was probably the reason why I healed even more.
Everyone who's been depressed may say that, it was not how they wanted to feel like. But to be honest, looking back to the time I was depressed, that was exactly what I wanted to feel at the time.
And getting enough motivation to get through the depressive phase can be extremely difficult, but it's well worth it!
And on that note, here's a very well known and a very beautiful song.
Walking down the street and a really nice aroma that grabs my attention. I turn around and my whole world stops spinning and there's only one thing my eyes can take notice, and that is, the vada pav guy selling this piece of treasure for 12 bucks.
The vada pav is like a life line for the people who don't really have the time to carry a 'dabba' along with them, no matter what the reason maybe. It's considered a sanctum for many.
It is not only affordable, but it's also delicious and satiates the hunger. Also it's starchy, energy rich and not too greasy.
A single bite of this gem holds magic, joy and perfection.
Each and every pav stall is unique in it's own way, and also sells it's food with variation. I've seen some - Chinese vada pav, cheese vada pav, jain vada pav - minus the onions, garlic and potatoes (what's left, you may ask :P ) This is one thing I really love about the Mumbai fast food joints - the various food fusions that they come up with, and it usually turns out so good!
The vada pav is usually served with the vada in between the pav, two kinds of chutney; pudina (coriander) and lasun (garlic) and chilies and salt.
The vada is round, that is made by mashing the boiled potatoes with masala, other spices, rolled into a ball and coated with maida which is then deep fried until golden brown. This batter is soft and fluffy when ready.
There are big stalls and new companies that have been started that sells vada pav, but to be honest, it's the galli ke kone ka vada pav that sells the best of the best vada pavs.
The best vada pav, in my personal opinion is the one at garodia nagar, situated at the 90 ft road. The vada pav wala usually also sells missal along with the vadapav which is optional. Other food also includes bhajjiya pav, which is also not to be missed here!!
Each and every bite of this very vada pav is a melt in the mouth, which takes me to the seventh heaven. It's the best for any time of the day.
The lasun chutney that is served with this vadapav just brings life to it.
Earlier i couldn't eat the vada pav, because it would be too spicy for my palate. But then again not even the spice of this wonderful dish could keep me away from it. No matter how spicy, i still manage to finish it without the slightest hesitation
If this post really tempted you to grab one, you really must rush to the above mentioned vada pav vendor! You won't be disappointed. Pinky promise! :)
When I was younger, I'll admit, that I wasn't quite the reader. But then when I saw my younger sister doing it more frequently than I did, I had to step up and go beyond her (being the older one obviously).
It was then that I realised, that books, are so much more than just pages bound together with colourful covers and catchy titles.
It's about reading about the world that the writer creates for you, and how you imagine that very world in your mind. It's amazing the depths to which people think about certain topics.
It lets you experience those scenarios that you haven't ever been in before
You get to pretend you're a completely different person in this universe.
It lets you visit places that you have never been to, and describes intricate details that you couldn't have probably even observed had you been there. It captures the soul of each and every object mentioned in it.
The best part about owning books are the wonderful accessories associated with it. Be it the bookmarks, or the lamps, or the cute little stickers. Also, when you own a collection of books, your taste in it talks a lot about the person you are.
The worst part about reading the book is it coming to an end, and that gets me very, very emotional as I tend to get attached to the characters a lot. (guilty!)
I also especially love how the characters are described in the book - their facial features, their eye colour, their hairstyle, their attire, their flaws and their personality, and to be honest I tend fall in love a lot with the characters in the books.
Sometimes, when i like a book too much, or there's something really nice going on in the scene, i close it for a second, and hold it to my heart, like it's the most precious thing to me at the moment
The smell of the books - be it old or new, has it's own kind of fragrance.
I'm completely against the new devices that let you read through them as the old school joys of turning the pages in the book cannot be felt. I'm being a hypocrite here, but sometimes, when I can't find a certain book i want to read at the store, I have to use this means.
Book sales make me go crazy!
It helps the mind soar, and lets you think about those things you haven't ever even thought about before. Also, improves the vocabulary tremendously.
The material written in the books moulds a person, and adds to their character. It broadens the horizons of the thought processes
I personally love collecting quotes from books, and I remember them very well too. Sometimes, it's relatable to situations I'm in, and no doubt inspires me to be a better person.
Books are a constant companion. It's always in the readers hands, or back packs. There's always an unread book around them.
They love receiving books as gifts, and will treasure it.
A passionate reader just won't talk to you, they'll speak to you, they understand you.
The ability to connect to character inside the book, makes it easier to connect with people in the real world as well.
A reader lives a thousand lives. It gives the most colourful world imaginable. It lets you experience the world and world beyond
Even now whist writing this post I just couldn't stop thinking of points to keep adding here. The list just keeps going on and on, and it took me long to finally be satisfied with the points I wrote, but I guess I never will fully be.
If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.
–Haruki Murakami
This is what peace means to me. A hot chocolate and a book, curled on the couch, or the bed :)
This has got to be one of favourite topics ever! I could go writing on and on and on about it and still it wouldn't be enough!
In 'Wake Up Sid!', Ranbir Kapoor, a Mumbaiite tells a newly arrived Konkana Sen, that "Mumbai monsoons are to die for!", it couldn't have been any more truer.
Being a Mumbaikar, this is without doubt my favourite season!! And why do you ask??
Each and every corner of Mumbai has it's unique beauty especially during the monsoons. And if you've been to Mumbai and NOT experienced it's monsoons, it's a terrible thing. This busy city, with all it's hustle bustle looks way more beautiful during the rains.
Unfortunately, this year, the rain Gods have kept us waiting for quite sometime before finally blessing us with the beautiful showers. Now I can finally say that "Mumbai ki Baarish aakhir aa hi gai hai"
Things you can do do during the monsoon so that you can tell that you've fully experienced it! (Keeping aside the yucky pot holes, the traffic and all the other problems that come with it (NO I'M NOT GOING THERE!))
1. Marine Drive
The photo above says it ALL! This is most probably the best stop during the monsoons, where people from every nook and corner of Mumbai (or even Navi Mumbai) travel long distances just to get a glimpse of this beautiful scenery and unwind. The Queen's Necklace looks so beautiful - unfortunately i do not have the correct words to express how beautiful the entire stretch looks. With the Palm trees, Bay side cafés, the high tides. If i could, i would just sit here staring into the picturesque view for a long long time.
2. Bandra Fort
Here, we see the Beauty of the Bandra-Worli sea link, in all it's glory when the sky is cloudy. The heavy winds just add to the 'theatre - effect' as I'd like to call it, for the entire scene. It's just beautiful. You're going to have to see it, to believe it. There's also a small land patch that merges with the sea, and people love to experience the tides, and winds, and the rains together.
3. Bhutta and Gola
After a fun filled day of getting drenched in the rain, soaking up all the monsoon happiness, a bhutta (or corn) with masala , gola and kachchi kairi (or raw mangoes) are a couple of the MUST HAVE snacks during this time.
4. Long drives
Long drives to anywhere, especially the sea fronts, along with beautiful music playing in the background is a must! There's something very therapeutic about these drives. Do not miss out drives along Girgaum Chowpatti or the Bandra - Worli sea link! The Girgaum chowpatti also have food stalls with a variety of pav bhaji, chaat and all the 'time pass khana' that the Mumbaikars loooooove to gorge on!
5. Romantic walks
This is one thing that the singles will definitely miss out on! A long walk with your partner shouldn't be missed!
Also, if you have the entire day at your disposal, one thing you must most definitely not miss on is getting drenched in the rain!! If you haven't done this, you haven't really experienced the Bombay Monsoons.
Make the best of the Monsoons in the months of June - July - August. And explore this beautiful city with all it's royalty. :)
Happiness is a state of mind that, i don't think can have a perfect definition. Its being perfectly content with whatever you have.
What is happiness?
It can be little good deeds for strangers
care that's shown to someone you love
Growing a new flower
when you hear your favourite song on the radio
when you plan for a holiday
when you're planning about your future
when you're reading a book
petting a dog or a cat
Eating a pizza on Saturday night
Collecting sea shells on the beach
exploring a city
It's a gamut of things really, and the list just doesn't end here.
Some of these maybe temporary.
Genuine happiness is always just there. It's truly infinite.
There's a very famous quote by Abraham Lincoln that goes by 'Most people are happy as they make up their minds to be' . Truer words cannot have been spoken. It's you who gets to choose to be happy.
Happiness is not contained in material possessions. It's a choice that we make. You realise this when you stop chasing the world's meaning of happiness. The decision to be happy is ours entirely, no matter what the circumstances may be.
But then again, even when we choose happiness, there a conscience effort that goes in, to practise it everyday. And these are again very simple steps to be happy.
When you embrace, practise and use each of these as stepping stones
1. Count your blessings - This is one of the best things you do. Make a list of what you're thankful for. Once you're done with the list, you'll be surprised by the number of things that's there in that list, and it's then that you'll realise that you're blessed with so many good things :)
2. Carry a smile - The emotions that you show on your face, definitely changes your actual feelings. For example when you're really sad, and you do a simple thing of looking in to a mirror and smiling, it maybe forced at first, but then, you can't stop smiling at yourself. Plus smiling requires maybe only four muscles, a lot less that for frowning.
3. Wake up happy - No matter what you feel like, wake up with a smile and positive thoughts, and i bet that day will be a positive day, no matter how bad it gets later on.
4. Hold back complaints - Complaining will only make the situation worse and irritable, and it'll only create an unhappy environment. Sometimes you should just rather keep them to yourself. Maybe if you write down your feelings somewhere, it helps.
5. Improve yourself - Everyday, try to devote sometime to your goals. Work towards what you can do to achieve it. What's more satisfying than personal improvement! :)
6. Realise your strengths - And nurture it. You can always work on it side by side with your career. It could be cooking, or art, music. It's a natural talent and if we use them effectively we feel comfortable in our own skin. Embrace it!
7. Learn a new skill - Variety is the spice of life. It could be anything. Learn a new language or try out a new course for management. More skills, the more better.
8. Treat others well - This is one of the most important rules. Unless you are nice to someone, the feelings will to be reciprocated. You get what you do.
9. Search for the gains in your pain - And by doing this, you'll only emerge victorious from your terrible times. Life can sometimes get difficult, and we all have to face it at some point or the other. You need to remind yourself that all phases no matter how bad they get, will eventually pass.
10. Get excited even for the little things - As immature as it may sound, it really does add to the happiness quotient.
Go today. And choose to be happy. And that makes the two of us! :)
