On Identity and Changes

Each one of us is born in different contexts. We all live in different realities based on innumerable factors. We all have different ideas of what life should turn out to be. As a collective, we are constantly being influenced by one another.

We all have different biological realities as well. The way our nervous systems function in response to our social conditions and personal preferences. Our experiences help us to reveal our sense of self. Our conditioning is an important factor in how we respond to our circumstances. Because the primary conditioning is the basis of what we believe ourselves to be. This is the base of our first identity.

Our ego, or the conditioned mind believes the biological reality. Because it's been the core of their realities. It has never been known beyond this. The ego isn't a bad trait as many people make it to be. The ego is simply a trait of being human and having a body. We need to use the characteristics of the ego to our advantage.

Just like how the brain/ mind can be moulded by plasticity, it's the same case with our behaviours. In the previous post, I wrote about how intentional thought creates our life.

As we move in life, and begin to unlearn our rigid patterns, we also realize that a new reality can be moulded by choosing intentional actions and appropriately responsive behaviours.

Our identity or the ego, is nothing but the by-product of our conditioning. It is a way of going auto-pilot. At any point, you feel like you have lived in autopilot mode for a long, and you realize that a change is due.

Humans are wired for evolution. Once we touch the point of auto-pilot, it is possible to be exhausted by the routine. After a while, you also realize that the same circumstances and drama keep repeating in the world.

The more, you soften into this rigidity, the more you open to life and personal experiences. Two people's life experiences are never the same. Ego is alright. It is just limited.

The more you release the rigid traits of ego, the more you tap into freedom from definitions. There is more space to be multi-dimensional. Anything can happen. Surrender is all there is. Our identities are in constant transition. 

Finding the equilibrium in the flow is a humbling experience. It requires us to deliberate two sides of the same coin. It encourages human connections and self-expression.  

Changing our Relationship with Guilt & Shame

Guilt is a human emotion that is usually generated after doing something that is considered wrong in our realm of consciousness. 

Shame is a human emotion generated after doing something which is perceived as wrong in the collective culture.

I wanted to explore these emotions because it was important to unearth what lay within. Both these emotions convey that this is not an appropriate course of action.

Both these range of emotions are necessary to keep us in check. To not violate the bounds of human life, individual sense of self, and mutual consent.

However, collective culture teaches people to behave in certain ways to be accepted. However, many of these behaviours violate the individual's sense of self, perception and expression.

Guilt has two voices - 1) our own sense of wrongdoing and 2) what we have been taught is wrong. However, this is someone else's idea of wrong and not ours.

Shame, however, is a conditioned trait. We have been taught that pursuing certain behaviours is wrong and unacceptable to society. It is a type of fear that is taught.

Usually, when a person is unaware of their truth, they are driven by these ideas. When an emotion is not driven by our own intuition, and rather by others - we are bound by an illusion. Someone else's idea of wrongdoing becomes our own. It hinders the person's level of self-expression. It inhibits their authentic nature. And the person continues this cycle.

When we take the time to get to know ourselves, we begin noticing the nuances of our true nature. We become aware of the ideas that drive our actions and behaviours. We become mindful of what we create. We begin discerning the ideas that come from others and those that are truly ours.

Being transient beings, change is the only possibility. Our interests and preferences keep changing over time. However, once we can discern our thoughts from others, we can choose our next step consciously.

In our society, we are bound to be influenced by others' perceptions. Our power lies when we consider other perceptions and choose what is right for us.

The next time a guilt or shame pattern comes up in your system, consciously ask yourself 'Am I doing something inappropriate?' or  'Am I hurting someone?' Think for yourself.

When we stand true to our ground, it can bring up dissociation in others. However, this stems from their ideas of us and not our true nature or realities.

Some points to notice you are being true to yourself:

1. When you don't betray yourself
2. Expressing something makes you happy and delightful
3. Pursuing what you like brings about a sense of purposefulness.
4. Consideration for others without abandoning your needs

You create your measures. When it comes to shared realities, consideration is a crucial aspect. Practising co-existence, where you can come to the middle ground, is one of the certain ways to have improved relationships with loved ones.

Allow your emotions to be a guide to notice your true intentions and purposeful change. Be mindful of the beliefs that you subscribe to. Change the ways you relate with your conditioned emotions, to create a path toward true freedom.  

Choosing the Thoughts You Engage With

Our thoughts are our internal processor. The quality and type of our thoughts depend on the state of our nervous system at the moment. Initially, when I began the healing process, many coaches consulted to change my thoughts. However, thoughts are just a surface reflection.

Our thoughts can be shifted, only with a shift in the state of our nervous system.

However, having said this, shifting the nervous system is a long-term process. We can experience behaviour shifts when we work with both the bottom-up (nervous system > emotional state > thoughts) and top-down (thoughts > emotional state > nervous system)

This post is based on the top-down approach. I believe a top-down approach is possible when the bottom-up approach is ongoing. I remember the time when I learned that I just needed to change my thoughts to shift my life. And it was difficult as I was working at a surface level. Believing a new thought felt forced and unnatural because my nervous system was not supporting this change.

Our mind receives thousands of thoughts in the day. It is a natural processing mechanism of our body. It is constantly providing us with updates on our surroundings. It is a primal mechanism. Our ancestors might have needed this moment-to-moment update to navigate their unknown surroundings.

However, now we live in a society where we are comparatively safe. We do not need to constantly be on guard for a wild animal. We do have other forms of concern. But most are not an immediate threat to our lives. Many thoughts are also passed through generations and through our DNA.

However, what might have been a threat to someone a few generations ago, will not be the same for someone now. This is why it is necessary to unlearn what was taught to us. Our threats are not the same.

Coming back to our thoughts, many of these are conditioned to us. Most of us were taught to be certain ways to be accepted. Unfortunately, for our innocent minds, we thought that we would be accepted only if we behaved in those ways.

So, we unconsciously embody these roles. Our conditioned mind experiences these thoughts as real, and we begin behaving in those ways. However, just because these thoughts feel real, doesn't mean it's true.

A Practise:

Our mind can make us experience our thoughts as very real. Let's say we are receiving an unconscious train of thoughts. These thoughts are simply projections of our childhood and collective social conditioning. Most of these thoughts can make us behave in such a way as to appease the people around us, losing our sense of self.

When we consciously decide to not engage with a certain thought, we disrupt this train of thought. Each time it comes up, you can choose - 'No, I had decided to not believe in this', and focus on something else.

From experience, this thought-shifting practice is possible when working on the emotional, nervous system, and somatic levels. However, everyone's experiences are different. If this works for someone, it's good.

Choosing your thoughts is an intentional practice. It gives power and autonomy to your experiences. Most aspects of life are completely outside our realm of control. However, this practice encourages cultivating a sense of trust in ourselves to navigate the unknown. The anchor of control is in your hand. You are the centre of gravity in your life.

I hope you learn to consciously create the life of your choice with this practice.

Being back to Presence

My phone shut off recently. Ever since, I have been experiencing an immense sense of peace - of not being available to others as they please.

Strangely though, I didn't feel a sense of panic. In fact, I have been deeply present in my moments. It just felt like one of those natural happenings in my life.

I have been practising loosening the grip on my attachments. Anytime my mind winds up creating theories for anything, I release the grip as soon as I notice it.

This presence feels intimate. You experience yourself, without being influenced by anyone else. I suddenly get why people are so afraid to be with themselves. It's because they're gonna find out how deserving they have always been and that they have led an unconscious life so far. They've never had to prove their worth to be capable of doing what they want. They have always been free.

This experience reminded me how blindfolded I was. We are always in a rush to do something outside of ourselves - that we have forgotten to connect with what lies within.

When we loosen the grip on each pattern, we make space to experience what's real and true. Rather than experiencing a stale past that seems to harden our experiences.

Our life is happening now and here. Not in the dreams we chase, not in the struggles of being accepted by others. In fact not even in the ideas of ourselves.

Each time we reveal our true nature and express ourselves, a sense of authenticity is generated. The more we measure our lives with our own yardstick, the happier we are.

Life is not a stage where you are competing for your place. Life is a continuous experience of surrender and unlearning - where you put down everything you've been taught. You no longer need to have any qualifications to be your authentic self. The minute you trust yourself and express your heart, you are on the right path for you. Nothing has to make sense to others, as long as it makes sense to you.

You've always had the freedom in you.

Exploring how one Creates their Conditions

It all begins with defining that A can only mean B. When we define circumstances, we limit them. Unfortunately, these interpretations are ingrained into us when we are growing in the womb itself. Our nervous system is created from that of our mothers'. Genetic information is passed to the offspring at the biological level.

To make sense of our physical world, we create connections and meanings in our minds, that enable us to comprehend it. However, when we proceed with this, we are only expanding the scope of whatever exists right now.

However, as we work with our nervous systems - to let go of the stories that we have gripped so tight through the generations, we begin expressing our true nature.

Nothing is as it seems in the physical reality. To add to this, most of what we observe, are just manifestations of what existed in the past. To move forward, we need to commit to follow through with our visions. Each day is a dedication and reverence to our true selves.

In every moment where you choose to trust your visions and follow through, is a step towards your creative direction. Every time you give an absolute meaning to a transient physical reality, you limit your conditions - create a loop, of repeated patterns in life.

Every moment you choose differently is a path toward shifted outcomes. I hope you decide you dare to choose differently. Even if, and especially when it means you are standing alone.

Acquainting with Our Desires

 Desires are these nudges, that might inspire or ignite your next course of action. Some of our desires stem from a place of authentic inspiration, some from wanting what others have. Others still, include habitual patterns.

Sometimes, even when we don't need something, we still pursue it from a place of habit. I recently recognized this form of desire. We are driven by our desires. Desires can sometimes cause momentary distractions that lead you astray from what is.

When we pursue our desires, we sometimes create a space of illusory expectations, of ourselves, and an outcome. When we unconsciously create these, we get distracted from the chaotic realities of life.

When we do not accept the 'what is' aspect of our circumstances, these expectations can create a weight on us. No matter the extent of our leaps and bounds, this pace can lead to exhaustion. This is because we are chasing the illusion of what we want it to be, rather than facing the reality of our journey.

I realized that I unconsciously created so many unrealistic expectations of myself and of the circumstances along the way - that I even forgot what I started it for.

In the real world, words and expectations eventually lose their meaning. When we are courageous enough to face life with what comes up, it makes us resilient.

This means we are no longer expecting a limited life's path. Rather we are surrendering to what comes up, and trust us to manage it with our current wisdom.

There are no right or wrong ways to pursue anything. You always grow with your choices. Trust that you choose what challenges you, inspires you, and lights you with glee. What matters is that you have made the right choice for you.

Gratitude and Realizations

 It seems I have reached a point in my life, where I have accepted every nuanced bit of my past experiences. I feel like the tension in my body has eased considerably. I feel like I am now being driven by the surrender consciousness. I no longer feel the need to control anything in my life. Because:

1. What is meant for me, will never pass by me and
2. No one can gatekeep ANYTHING that is meant for me

The second was the biggest lesson for me. All of our primal worries and anxiety stem from being in a survival mode. 'If I don't do more or I am not fast enough, it will be taken away from me'.

You see when you are moving at your pace, you are able to meet what you pursuing in completion and perfection. There is always time to get things done. The unnecessary hurry that comes with meeting something that could be taken away from us, keeps us bound in survival patterns.

The minute you realize that nothing is as big of a deal as it seems, it makes it easier to ground back into your feet. We are only bound by the concepts that limit us. Time, deadlines, excellence, perfections, qualifications - who's to measure something. Who is the measurer? What are their qualifications?

The only thing that matters is that you stay true to yourself. You are always guided by your feelings and determination. You express your big needs when you are able to express your tinier needs. Everything stems from the little things. The first step is the beginning of reaching your goal.

When you meet people at a genuine level, they can meet you back at that level. Do not ever think that competing is the only way forward. I believe it impedes your real growth. Competing only enables you to grow up to a limitation. But what if your growth is wider than that extent? Or what if you are meant for different?

When you leave this mindset, you realize you can grow in many ways. This growth is multidirectional and multidimensional. I just feel free right now. I realized that I never had to walk the path that was set out for me. All I had to do was to ask myself, and I have always had my answers within. I have been there for me all along.

So now it's time again, to be there back for me. :)

Leaning into the Discomfort

Sometimes when someone says or does that is unexpected, we feel a a rush of emotions, a tinge. This tinge of pain comes from a place of betrayal.

When we are not aware of our emotions, we may get absorbed into a negative spiral with this story. But this only leads to hurtful comparisons against us. When we go through with this train of thought, we emotionally hurt ourselves, and betray ourselves.

At times like this, it is important to reconsider that their behaviour is not a reflection of our value, rather, it is a state of their mind. This reminder can go a long way to break the cycle of repetitive negative patterns.

At any point, when we take a stand for ourselves, we unconsciously begin trusting ourselves. We will never know the type of circumstances that show up in our lives. However, just standing our ground goes a long way in cultivating a deep-rooted seat of trust in ourselves.

Any time you feel an emotion that you want to subconsciously flee from, just take a moment to hold its hand. Lean into it. Your presence matters to the emotions that are afraid of what comes next. In the unknown, it is all that matters. 

On Flaws

What are flaws anyway? I mean, you work through difficult emotions, work with your shadows and learn to shift your negative patterns.

Then, aren't flaws what others don't accept of me? Something that others define of me - from their perspective? Flaws aren't even about me. They stem from a sense of collective expectation. What if I work on myself, with being comfortable with those aspects that are considered flaws by society? Then isn't that a form of acceptance and perfection on my behalf?

In that case, flaws are traits that society considers unacceptable or okay. It is a collective concept.

When you work with the societal ideas of flaws within yourself, what are flaws even? If you work to be comfortable with yourself with the said flaws, aren't you free of them, then?

When it comes to me, flaws come in from a place of expectations from others. It comes from a place of improvement and progress. For instance, I would like to improve upon how I interact with people - so social connections. Even then, this is a skill and a matter of practice and not a flaw.

So then, what are flaws - when no one can use them against you? This only shows that humans are always a work in progress, with an inherent sense of already existing perfection.

Flaws stem from a place societal expectations. These expectations are imposed on individuals in society - to consider them acceptable or not.

Unfortunately, flaws also stem from labelling people and their characteristics - creating an outward identity for them. This dismisses the individual's true nature. However, when we are aware of the so-called flaws and act on our spirit despite their existence, we free ourselves from them.

This is where a sense of envy is created. 'These set of people do deserve this'. We base people on our unconsciously created hierarchy. Who's to say someone is better than the other? In what way? In what comparison?

Flaws are just another mental block. Just like other human limitations. Some focussing on your supposed flaws is simply controlling your and their experiences.  The more you progress to go beyond it, the more you do. And when you act despite the outward existence of your flaws, no one can use them against you.

No one knows you or your experiences the way you know them. Perfection is just another label.  

Changing Our Relationship with Labels

Lately, I have been exploring the idea of how labels limit us. Language and words create visual ideas in our minds. So, when we label someone or any circumstance in life, we create a defining edge around it. We restrict it to the label's extent.

Unfortunately, this restriction becomes all that it is known for. It creates a limiting identity to it. And finally, there is no opportunity to grow around this.

The thing is, nature is free-flowing. It grows through the resources that are available to it. Even if it means to cling to something nearby. When we label something, we allow it no space to grow through. Instead, it creates a loop of repeating patterns and in turn, creates exhaustion to the perceiver, a feeling of - this is the end.

The illusion of the end is an aspect of the ego. It reflects the limits of the mind. The mind can only explore what it knows, not what it doesn't. So once it reaches the edge of the known, it experiences the illusion of an end. It feels like there is nowhere else to go.

The first time I had reached this end, I felt exasperated. I felt stuck in this world and there was nowhere to go. However now, having experienced these ends many times, I know that this end only symbolizes what I (my mind) know.

When you reach such a stage, the first thing to do is to recognise that you have reached the end of what your mind knows. The second thing is to experience the fear that comes with the end, and eventually, the grief that follows.

This is just one of the possibilities. When you go through this process, remind yourself there is more to this. And that this is just the end of what you know.

Another thing you can do is to focus on everything that you can control. Your daily rituals, creative process and progress, upskilling - and most importantly, learning to relax into the scenario. Never ever make a circumstance your identity. It is not you. The circumstances and your feelings are transient. Allow it to pass. Commit to your process.

When you use labels, as descriptions and not as definitions - you give them a transient nature. Descriptions are a process and are ever-changing.

Another thing you can do is change your relationship with how you perceive a scenario. Sometimes, unknowingly, we create an identity of ourselves through a circumstance. This is a natural response to what shows up in life.

In this case, remind yourself - that at any point you can change how you relate to the circumstance - by showing up and responding differently, and what it means to you. Consciously, shift your inner narration and opinions of the circumstance by being aware of it. Notice what you are saying about it now. Then decide to intentionally give it another meaning. And practise reinforcing this new meaning, every time the old interpretation comes up.

Labels, inconspicuously, create a weight of expectations on an individual and eventually move to the collective conscience. The more you free yourself from the labels, the more you free the collective conscience.

Transience is the essence of nature. When we label anything, it comes in conflict with this transience. However, allowing circumstances and people to be whatever they are, allows us to navigate them appropriately with what we deem true.

This naturally improves how we reinforce boundaries, how we communicate and express ourselves with others. To simply show up authentically - in what feels right to us. 

On Living Your Free Life

 Lately, I have realized that life was never meant to be defined. It was only meant to be experienced. As a society, we have always imposed labels on individuals. 'If you are this, you have integrity and win. If you are that, you will be shamed and ostracized from society'. No wonder each individual's primal fear is to be abandoned or isolated.

We choose our purpose in life. However, one of them is to free ourselves from the shackles of fear - those that have been conditioned and those that have come to us in our DNA through our ancestors.

Unfortunately, we have learned to perceive people through different labels and weigh them on our accepted measures. This is unfair, as this dismisses the entirety of the other person's very real and valid experiences.

When we begin being present with our pain and others, we learn to find our way through conflicts. Conflicts arise when we compare our pain with others as if one pain is more rightful than the other. However, the minute we accept our pain as what it is, with no comparison or labels, is the minute it starts loosening our grip on us.

Living consciously means choosing to be aware of your patterns. We have so many patterns and it is unlikely to be aware of all of them. However, when we notice what is driving our behaviours or internal opinions on anything - we can make necessary shifts. The idea is to be driven by our true selves, not from our wounds.

Each moment is an opportunity to free ourselves from hurtful patterns. The moment we make efforts to be aware of this is the moment we are on the path to breaking (possibly) generational patterns.

We are here to experience our free selves. Allow yourself to break the limited barriers that keep you from living your free, happy, and contented life. 

Driven by Sweet Surrender

Today I noticed something exciting. I felt like I was driven by surrender. I showed up, and I did what I needed to. No expectations of any outcome. Just that I was being present in everything that I pursued.

Today feels like one such day. Where I feel like I have given up what anything should look like. Instead, I am giving myself to the moment, to whatever it needs to be. This feels like a new experience and a genuine one at that.

Lately, so many things have been happening in my life. It seems humanly difficult to keep up. So, I have been grounding myself. Showing up for a moment, completing what needs to be done, and moving on to the next item. And most importantly, taking the pause when needed.

Lately, I have also been practising freeing myself from the ideas and expectations of others. I understand that being human is being interdependent on one another. However, I also know that it is my free will and birthright to believe in what I like. Especially not getting enmeshed with the fears that the cultural conditioning has made it to be.

I like this. Show up, express my truth, follow through with what I deem important, and just take it a day at a time. The daily rituals that I have created for myself, structure discipline and flow in their own daily measure.

This has created a deep sense of trust and security in myself and the process. It has also allowed me to open up to whatever life shows up to be - an aspect that is not at all in the realm of my control.

At this point, I honestly do not know what life has in store for me. I don't even care to predict an unseen future or impress people with what they want to hear from me. No one can gatekeep what is meant for me. It is between me, and the Divine Energy.

But I do care about the commitments and promises that I have made to myself and my life. I also intend to show up with a joyful presence and state of mind in each moment. And finally, to connect with people with humility - Differences Hold Possibilities. 

Noticing the Mind Connections

As humans, we are bound by our glorious bodies. Our spirit wants to leap, but our body can't given its limitations. So we are bound by the extents of our body.

Our bodies, store our stories. Our stories are our past contained. These are our day-to-day natural expressions.

We are driven by our intentions. And our intentions stem from an underlying story. These stories lie at an unconscious level. When we practise asking ourselves, 'What is my intention behind this action?' or 'What is leading me to act like this or think like this?', our stories our revealed to us.

When we become aware of our stories, we can shift our sense of being as needed. The most beneficial shift is - from that of an automatic, survival or victim response to that of an intentional, purposeful, progress-driven, assertive response.

We need to always choose the stories that are driven by our spirit, rather than those that project our wounds. The more we practise this, the more we reveal and meet our true selves.

This is how we hold ourselves accountable to shift the trajectory of our lives. At the end of the day, we are the only ones who have lived our experiences and nervous systems.

Next time you make an opinion of yourself before acting on something, notice where this story is coming from. And if it is possible in your reality, make it happen despite the story. And if isn't immediately possible, take your time to build your capacity towards it, and then make it happen.

Your mind stories are limited, and you have the power to go beyond this. Commit to it. 

Calming the Storm

Today, I received an insight into a new practice.

I had been going through some anxious turmoils in some of my days. So as I was making space for the chaos within, I was nudged towards a new practice.

The Practise:

The next time you feel a continuous flow of anxious energy, or you're in the middle of doing something that scares you, notice it.

Eventually, you'll experience that there's a source of this energy, as well as a receiving point. In your mind's eye, just notice this flow. Allow it to be whatever it needs to be. Let it flow. Make space for the chaotic energy. Allow it to jump, electrify, leap, go zig-zag - whatever it wants to do.

When you stay grounded and present with this energy, you are allowing it to be witnessed. This energy has a mind of its own, and there's no saying when it might end. However, as you keep being present and allowing it to move, it gradually loses its reactive tendencies.

It now now calms down. Like still water.

Instead of focusing on the root cause or the receptive area, I thought, why don't I just witness the entire process? This allowed a larger energetic area to be witnessed, from its beginning to end.

As the energetic range increased, I could separate myself more from the illusion.  

The Practise of Surrender

Today's meditation was an intuitively new experience for me. Usually, as I close my eyes, I focus on a point in my mind's eye. When I began my initial meditation practice, it was easy to focus on the point - as if I was directing my energy towards the point of stillness.

However, in the past few days, I noticed my mind's eye had a surrendered energy. As if I was open and embracing the chaos. So what this felt like was I experienced gentle, clear, shiny water waves.

This experience felt so exciting for me. This means that my conscious awareness has gotten to the point of full surrender. It trusts me to take care of things, no matter what life throws at me.

To surrender means to truly relax into the now. Of course, things could've gone many different ways. But right now, you are a part of this. It teaches you to be right here.

To surrender means to express what lies within you. This is why self-expression of any form gets you feeling lighter in your body. When you learn to express yourself in the face of conflicts, you learn to create a bridge.

Multiple truths can exist at once. So when a person is speaking out their truth, and you bring in your truth as well - it can be a point of consideration. Consideration allows inclusivity. This creates a path forward.

Surrender allows us to accept and grow in our truths. It teaches us to be aware of our enmeshment with the collective and to discern our sense of individuality through it. It also provides us with the space to express ourselves imperfectly, and eventually - fiercely, openly and boldly.

Ever since I began expressing myself freely with consideration and courteousness towards others, I feel invincible. It's the first time I feel so open and free. Being true to myself feels like a superpower! Doing more of what excites me. You decide the range of your boundaries. Experiment. Make mistakes. Allow yourself to be moulded through this experience.

On Slow Growth

Whenever we think of growth, we expect a spectacle. We assume that the leaps and bounds are immediate. And we believe that we become a person of a completely different character.

But the truth is that real, sustaining, outlasting growth is painfully slow. Yes, on many days it feels like you have leaped ahead. On other days it might feel like have come back to the beginning. And the most difficult days are those where you wonder if pursuing your goal is worth anything at all?

I believe that growth happens in the most unimpressive moments. Especially when you want to give up when you see that your vision isn't going anywhere.

Some days

At times like this, you have got to show up. Growth looks like showing up and following through. It is a commitment to follow your visions even when you can't see a tangible result. It's about giving your 3/10 on the days that you don't feel like it. It's about 'something is better than nothing'

In the growth process, making space for pause, restoration and rejuvenation also goes a long way. On some days your body needs the time and space to do nothing. This nothingness allows your thought processes to spill over, re-organize and come back with clarity.

When you have chosen a tangent to grow through, your decision will face many hurdles. But the point is to stay strong in your your vision and grow through your obstacles.

Somewhere along the way, you'll find an appropriate equilibrium - the habits & attitudes you can keep and those that you can give away.

Everyone has their own goals and missions. Each journey is distinct and incomparable. People deem different values of utmost importance. So growth can also be defined differently by each person. To each their own.

Humans are primally wired for evolution. So eventually everything we pursue, we always get better at it. So the final choice is yours. 'What do you want to grow through?'

Chaos is All There Is

Everything is just what it is, is it not? So many realities overlap one another, who's to say what's real and what isn't?

You go out, and you see a million interpretations of whatever is in front of you. and well, all of these are deemed true for each subjective reality. Each person's truth is so different and vague - you'll just never know what to expect.

So in this scenario, how do we presume anything? What even comes next? When all that lies ahead is uncertainty?

Each belief is just a passed-on Chinese whisper - an assumption that becomes the motto of an entire lineage.

There is nothing to understand and everything to experience. Each journey is unique, incomparable and inexplicable from one another. We all learn different lessons and none of this is the same for two.

Artwork by Sanjana Mallya 

Moving into Chaos with Clarity & Conviction

So many truths exist in a moment, who's to say they make the most sense. Conflicts begin when you fight against other people's truths - their very real and valid experiences.

Personally, my need to predict any kinda outcome is dying off. things are just never as they seem. There are just so many things happening all at once - all outside the human zone of comprehension. The more we try to make sense of it, the noisier, and heavier it gets.

In the deepest of our hearts, all we want to do is surrender to the chaos. So maybe at some point, all we can do is brave it up - and step forward with what we know. There are no right or wrong choices. We simply grow with what we choose. 

Acceptance of What Is

Can you for a moment, accept your life and its trajectory all the way to this moment?

This acceptance usually, doesn't come easily. But once you make space to face the realities of you, you start being comfortable about what is - and start working with it.

Acceptance of what is is the beginning of the next phase - of your spiritually led, human growth.

It can sometimes be difficult to accept parts of our reality. Mainly because it requires self-accountability on our part. It requires us to face the general effects of our past choices.

The successes are the easiest to accept. However, this requires us to face those aspects that we lost out on. Especially the regrets, should-have-beens or the if-I-could-have-done-that-instead. 

The more we face the realities of our past circumstances and the impact that it has had on us, the more we can use this integrated and intuitive wisdom to help us move forward in our journey. Some experiences in life have made me believe that things happen the way they need to. And a lot of this is outside my realm of control. 

I believe that as humans, our lives will never be perfect. As humans, we can comprehend an infinitesimal level of experiences that the world offers for us. All we can do is keep our best foot forward and keep moving and surrendering to our life's journey.

Maybe, just maybe it can surprise us.

Honing Our Spirit of Exploration

Just a few days back, I was reading about the cave expedition of a person, who had squeezed into the narrow confines, lost his sense of direction and fell into it.

This story felt morbid to me. As I relayed this story to my friend, I asked her 'Why would anyone go to a place where no one has ever been before, especially in nature?'

And then it struck me. All of us as humans are embedded with different missions. We all have our own gifts. When experienced in totality, I believe that we are all here to learn from one another.

These gifts also have their own compass - our intuition. It sparks our curiosities, preferences, opinions and choices. As we are all unique, when we make space for it, it is only natural that we lean toward subjects that get us motivated to know more, to be more.

If it wasn't for the said curiosities, we wouldn't have air travel, ship navigation, wi-fi, or any kind of technologies that make our lives so much easier. All other innovations that keep us healthy, excited and curious.  These have also helped us connect with one another all around the globe.

As the new generations come along, they have also biologically been ingrained in the wisdom of their ancestors, and their individual sense of pursuits. This is how humans keep evolving through generations.

Despite it all, I still believe that we also need to be grounded, and not hurt ourselves as we as a collective set out to achieve visions that are way beyond us.  Despite it all, to remember that our lives and our experiences are temporary. 

Envisioning & Embodying a Soft Life

Lately, I have been wondering what it means to live a soft life. For me, it has meant dissolving the hard labels and perspectives that keep me bound in a specific reality and a hostile nervous system. It is about not fighting yourself, for the feelings and experiences you deem true of you. Embracing them. Accepting them. 

I had read somewhere - that 'it is about our capacity to handle joy'. I have read a lot about how experiencing joy is our natural state. Our context, upbringing, and the way our parents responded to our needs - all come together to form our nervous system.

As children, we don't know how or what to express, and as a result, some of our needs go unmet. These experiences teach us to behave a certain way to get what we want. And while we are pleasing our way into acceptance, we lose the connection with our natural self. This creates different attachment styles and related nervous systems.

The thing is, our life is a series of unknown moments. However, living in a structured society has made us believe that certain linear paths provide our way to acceptance.

Every moment that we honour our capacity to handle joy, we are softening. It can be by expressing ourselves, taking up more space, speaking up when something is not okay with you, sharing your preferences, and communicating your feelings.

Each of us relates to circumstances differently. We all of different capacities with which we meet our reality and shared realities. These capacities are also varied, and incomparable. Because sometimes this can range also include no capacity. It is unfair when we compare capacities or realities against each other because each DNA of all our experiences is intricate, complex and inexplicable.

It all comes down to meeting your capacity and shifting your responses. This would require you to be an observer of your life experiences. Notice your response patterns. Whenever you see yourself criticising, judging or comparing and you commit to this pattern, you are creating a dissociation.

However, when you notice the above patterns, and decide that you'll respond differently, kindly and in a grounded state of mind, you already begin to soften your perceptions. You make space to lower your guards and give other people and most importantly yourself, a fair chance.

Shift your relations with guilt, shame and all the labels that keep you bound and hardened. Teach yourself that taking up space is not an inconvenience to others. Rather it's your human and divine birthright. Take up the space, and ask for what you want - even when, especially when you don't think you are deserving of it. Be embarrassingly shameless while you take up space. This is the very thing that can free you.

For me, this experience has been so humbling. Mainly because I never knew the different labels that I identified myself with, and how I would internally criticise others. This experience has allowed me to genuinely be kinder to myself and to others. It does get so difficult at times. But still, I try. The most important thing for me is that I show up to change, especially during the times when it's even more difficult for me.

The ego is afraid of letting go of the perception because it feels like it will lose control. We need to consciously teach our ego to be comfortable with the unknown, and most importantly about being kind to others. No one is out to get us. This is just our primal thinking. Everyone is just doing their thing, and we are doing our own.

It is a continuous practice of patience, compassion, empathy, and perseverance.

Life is a journey of learning, unlearning and re-learning. However, most importantly, I think that it's also a journey of being inspired by all that life has to offer and using it for creative expression and fulfilling experiences.  

Meeting the Capacity to Make it Happen

We all have different capacities to ensure we follow through with an aspect. Sometimes, there's a gap between what we are now, and where we need to be to follow through with it.

Today, just as I plunged into a cold water shower, I shivered. And immediately, I had an insight. 'What if I meet the capacity that can already handle the cold temperature in my body?' And as I tapped into it, the water's temperature felt comfortable. As if, it was the most normal happening of my day. Usually, it takes me a few plunges to get comfortable with the cold temperature (I prefer hot water). But today, this shift was instant.

This then got me thinking. What if all these different capacities already exist in my body, and all I have to do is tap into it?

I created another visualization practice based on an ASMR video I was watching. In the video, the artist is gently poking the viewer's face with her index finger. As she did this, I felt like different points in my body were lighting up, like fairy lights. I felt glad that such simple practices can make your body feel so alive.

A Practise:

In your next meditation session, close your eyes and be seated with crossed legs. Connect your breathing pace with the energy in your body.

After a few breaths, when you feel connected with your body, notice your internal self. Scan your body - your chest, belly, pelvis area, neck, head, arms - the nooks and crannies of your body.

With your mind's eye, visualize pointing in different parts of your body within. Imagine that as you are pointing, a twinkling or fairy light is also lighting up.

If you want to, you can also exaggerate this. You can imagine each of these points enlarging and radiating light, like the bright sun. This could feel as if different points of your inner body are coming alive and being open.

This is a good practice to enliven your energy on the days that you might feel low.

Similarly, when you want to meet a capacity that you haven't met yet, just go through your body and see if you find it. You will, you just need to be intentional while you are looking for it. Once you find it, keep your awareness on it for a few minutes and tap into it. You will almost immediately know what to do, what to say, and most importantly, how you express it.

Sometimes these points may lie OUTSIDE your body. A few meters, a few kilometres, many kilometres, or all around the world. Whatever it may be, remember to channel your focus on the point. Close your eyes, and intentionally keep breathing until you internally feel like you have met that point. You can also move your body in a way that energetically expresses you meeting that point. You'll feel a subtle energetic activation once you do. 

Take a few moments to embody this. Imagine this energy is gently taking over all of your body.

Happy Practising! 

Leaving Out the Limitations

As I read this somewhere 'Abundance exists. It is us who create the limitations'. I believe that nothing is out of our reach, except our mind's stories of why we can't do something.

We tend to identify ourselves and our circumstances with labels, just so we can make sense of what's happening. But what if we are limiting our fullest experience by doing so?

For me, I noticed that I began breaking out of my shackles when I stopped identifying with certain labels that I carried for myself, or certain thoughts that kept me in the same place. When you are pursuing something that you, because of a preconceived belief, is a good indication of what is holding you back.

What if we didn't carry any labels and show up to each moment with the best of what we have to have to give? It is only our expectations of the process or outcome that can get us feeling anxious or feel like we have lost control of a circumstance.

By not labelling or presuming what comes next, we are allowing it space to be what it needs to be. At this point, we leave behind our illusion of control and surrender to what's coming with open arms. When we practise leaping like this a lot, we also begin to trust ourselves in the face of the unknown. We become our own source of stability and navigation. And no matter the consequences, we are willing to face it all.

In the midst of this chaos, we learn that there's so much out there that we know nothing of. Our mind couldn't have ever predicted what was to be revealed in any sense of terms.

Fabulous, wonderful, incredible and humbling. 

Driven By Intentions

Once we are finally aware of what we do moment to moment, we start to notice our intentions behind each action.

While shifting from our automatic ways of doing things, we realize that we are pursuing something from a place of habit, and not because we necessarily need it or believe in it.

Your intention is the energetic core of the ripples in your life.

I believe that we are creatures in transition.  Just like how we are constantly transforming day to day, our ways of being and doing anything become redundant. When we practise noticing our ways, we can see that there are some things that we do that no longer serve us. And in many other ways, we have progressed, so we need to make space to enhance it.

When we notice our intentions behind each behaviour, we'll know what we need to pursue, and what we don't.

These intentions reflect what we feel about others and how we perceive ourselves in any setting. And once we are aware of our intentions, we'll know what is the core essence of our actions.

Similarly, we can use this awareness to shift our perspective where needed. While you attempt this, you'll know that you are on the path to being a better human and a truer you.

What drives your intentions? Is it inspiration, commitment to progress and the path to being a better you? Or is it comparison, divisivity, a commitment to rupturing relationships or self-sabotage?

When in doubt, simply ask yourself. 'What's my intention behind pursuing this?'

Notice keenly. Follow through intentionally. You've got this

Supporting your Body as it Processes Heavy Emotions

This morning, I felt an intense stagnant energy while I was practising my yoga flow. It was probably an emotional energy. And while I practising, it seemed to hinder my movements.

I felt upset because I couldn't enjoy my morning flow as I had intended to. So, I took a step back. I followed through with some natural movement - rolling my neck and shoulders, and some stretches that would at least begin to open my body in subtle ways - to make way for deeper movements.

While I did this, I realized that the area of the stagnant energy was quite large. So I kept my intention on this space as I followed through with my yoga practice.

Another thing I realized was the space where thoughts originate - the area from eyebrows, eyes and nose, felt highly active. This is because my thoughts were streaming through with a heavy flow. So the area was highly active. This got me feeling anxious too. So I kept my intention at the source of the thoughts.

somehow as I did this, I noticed that its intensity reduced. even my thoughts ceased for a while. my whole body was just focused on the area. And suddenly calm flowed through.

Overall, these practices helped me to melt the sharpness and heaviness of the energy. It hadn't fully dissolved. However, it felt lighter and more manageable.

A practise:

Next time you feel a sense of heaviness in the body, close your eyes, keep a gentle awareness of the area, and allow it to move around.

Imagine this awareness is slowly dissolving and softening the heaviness and hardness of this energy. Once you are comfortable with this, expand the energetic processing space beyond your body, and allow the energy to spread through.

Notice this energy as it spreads through into infinite space.

Take your time as you practise this. Take as long as you need. Give your body the time and space to process this heavy energy. Support your body while it does this.

This practice allows you to connect expansively with your body's awareness. 

What If There Was No Story to Keep Up To?

If there was no story, I would respond from a clean slate - as if this circumstance has never happened before.

It would allow me to relate to each circumstance differently, and not compare one with the other. No circumstance is ever the same. However, it's our interpretation that makes it similar to one another.

Responding to no story would mean that you agree to step into the unknown. Instead of comparing a circumstance with a past experience, you allow it to unfold in its own time and space - to allow what it needs to be. Instead of projecting a past experience onto something that is yet to happen. 

The thing is, it is not so easy to differentiate ourselves from the whole story. Because we are living life up at a close scale. However, at any point, when we resort to selecting a judgment, it limits our experience. This is how the cycles continue.

Instead whenever a new circumstance comes, how about you decide to relate to it differently? What if you give it a chance, and allow it to unfold one step at a time. Instead of assuming an outcome based on a past experience?

Every time we make space to shift outcomes, we allow the experience to change in its own way. Whenever we give circumstances a chance without imposing anything on them (low to no expectations), the way it unfolds can pleasantly surprise us.

Allow circumstances to be what they need to be. Please don't put any outdated assumptions into its unfolding. Let life reveal its surprises to you. Make space for the shift. Allow it to happen.  

Sticking to the story keeps you in the known. However, when you decide to respond differently, you connect with the unknown - the realm of possibilities. 

What Drives You?

For me, it's curiosity and eagerness. Where is this life taking me? And being ever-inspired by life.

Everything we do in life is driven by our intentions. Our intentions are a powerful force. It is the direction we pursue to move towards our vision. Our intentions reflect our clarity and thought process. It is also the foundation that carries through our decisions.

Everything we do in life is driven by our ego, an automatic operation system. However, a life that is created due to our circumstances can only be limited. When we become aware - of our thought process, behaviours, conditioning, and the way we respond to our life circumstances - it gives us the power to take a step back.

This allows us to keep a bird's eye view of our functioning and behaviours. With this information, we can deliberately shift our ways of life. Our perception is the intention with which we pursue our visions or what drives our decisions. It shows us how our automatic responses cannot be trusted. Rather it teaches us to respond to anything that shows up, appropriately.

While navigating the grey areas, there is no right or wrong of doing things. However, each response can be appropriately based on our state of mind, our capacity, and our emotions.

Our bodies are constantly guiding us forward through internal sensations. It is on us, how we learn to navigate the unknown with this information.

The next time you decide on something, ask yourself 'What is the intention driving this decision?' Is it fear or resentment? Or an intent to progress and grow out of the shell? Always choose the option that challenges you to evolve. Always, one step at a time.  

In the End of My Life

Sometimes, just to get a perspective on what really matters, I take a step back to think - how would I feel if I were to go away forever right now? What are the things that might have mattered to me?

Now I do know, that I will never know when I am going to go. But asking these questions, humbles me. It brings clarity to my thoughts, intentions and actions.

Many times, people say that we should not think of death.  But I believe that we need to accept this truth. The more we acquaint with this, the more we aware we of how we show up to our world. It truly does change the nature of what is important. And it all comes down what is really important.

I am sure the answer changes everytime you ask yourself. It has for me. However, with the answers you receive, you can be selective of what you engage with and what you don't.

Our life is delicate and fragile. The fact that we are alive today is a miracle in itself. The fact that we get to experience each moment of aliveness is a precious gift in itself.

 And to answer the title:

I would like to know that I have done my best and that I never took a moment for granted. And that my heart is full of gratitude for all that I have got to experience, and that I have been so lucky.

I'd like to know that I've honoured myself in all ways - my authenticity, my too much-ness and everything that I feel. I don't even for a minute want to dull my sparkle. I do not care who my light bothers.

I would like to know that I did what I felt called to do, despite not knowing how to proceed. And even if no one believed in me, I would like to die happily knowing that if I was the only one who believed in me, I did it :)

I would like to thank the energy that created me, and all other creations that I got to experience. And most importantly I want to thank all the beautiful people I got to experience in this journey of life. And that if I can, I would love to meet them again.

If you somehow make peace with the idea of death, I would like to invite you to experience this once. Or as many times as you need.

'If you were to die today, what might be your last thoughts?'

I hope this brings clarity and peace in the way you'll get to show up.