Life is chaos. It is never in our control. We think that our life experiences can teach us and that we can control our ways around them. But, each attempt shows that it is futile.
This was distressing to confront this truth. When I realise that I am not in control of myself, then does this mean that everything outside of me can control me as it pleases?
As I delved into self-help I realized that if there's anything that I am in control of is my attitude, my choices, my efforts, my mindset and the way I respond to everything outside of me, including people. And of this all, my boundaries and the intent with which I show up in each moment.
This provided me a respite. A beginning of conscious control. In this sense it allowed me to filter different aspects of my life as those that were in my realm of control and those that weren't.
Whenever we experience loss - a job, a relationship, a friendship, a career or anything that disrupts our sense of identity, there is an intense lowering spiral. Which is a natural response to something we lost, that we had once loved so dearly, and that was very much a part of us.
This spiral can seem like the end of everything. a period of immense grief takes over, and we begin believing that there is nothing else to look forward to. This period is experienced differently by everyone.
At some point, I realized it was not about the thing that we lost itself that mattered. Rather it was about the loss of control that we experienced. As mortal beings, it can be scary to lose a sense of control. Especially in this journey of life, where you will never know what lies next.
Ironically, the most liberating knowing is always the fact that we have never been in control in the first place. It was only ever an illusion. And comes back to the point that the only thing we can ever be in control of is the mindset and attitude with which we show up to each moment.
Experiencing the unknown for a continued period led me toward bouts of anxiety, self-worth issues, insecurities and outbursts. I used to question myself a lot in this period. Now when I look back, it might have been because I had reached the very edge of what I have known. When I finally reached a point where I could remind myself that there is just one thing that I can control - which is myself, it led me towards growth, creative and solution-oriented progress.
Sometimes, the anxiety can get intense, like hot flashes. These are the ones that I would prefer to keep away from. Because these don't resolve in an instant. I need to bring in my regulation tools to calm me down. At this point, one of my new learnings was this - that sometimes you just need to show up for this moment. And if I can expand it further, then to the next moment. Just this limit.
Another practice I have inculcated is 'One Complete Action'. I do not remember the source of this. However, this practice encourages completing a few actions as a part of an entire cycle.
For example: when you focus on getting ready for the day, pay attention to it completely. Right from using your tools and products and keeping them back in place. When you practise this, a sense of accomplishment is reinforced. I agree that it can be so to an infinitesimal extent. But sometimes even that range can matter so much in a moment of distress.
These practices have greatly minimized my anxiety episodes. In fact, it has even encouraged me to look forward to what is next.
These little accomplishments reflect a sense of control in yourself. The more you practise this, the more you will be acquainted with controlling only yourself, over trying to control life aspects that are outside your realm of control. This further enhances self-trust and confidence.
So whenever you feel low next time, just focus on what you can do right now. Even if that means going to the kitchen, pouring water into a glass, and sipping. A little goes a long way. Support your way through it all.
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