As humans, we are bound to internalize the (emotional) energy of people around us. We are built to absorb. It is how we evolve as a collective - by learning from each other.
However, when we internalize other people's narratives to the point that they start harming us, this unconscious process becomes counter-productive to our emotional growth and disrupts our relationships.
Recently, I was a victim of unconscious internalization, which came at the cost of almost losing myself. On reflection, I received a few insights on how I could work on this next time.
No 1 - To initially, take into account what the other person (or party) is saying. Ask yourself - is this true?
Internalization begins with projection, a sort of manipulation - When someone reflects their (distressing) experience onto you. They paint a picture of a reality or truth that we are unaware of.
No 2 - Once you become aware of this, notice your internal experience of the same scenario. We feel distressful in circumstances where their experience does not match ours. Take account of the same.
No 3 - Recollect your experience of the scenario. And reflect back on their projection. Practise articulating your experience and speaking up. Communication is the key.
Keeping the event at the base of your conflict resolution, you can express your version of the same experience and the thought process behind it.
Usually, these circumstances prop up in environments, where we aren't used to speaking up. Or places where we might feel intimidated by the consequences of our inputs.
In such cases, we can learn to intentionally change our ways of approach, or communicate with the concerned people. And finally, when nothing works, to change the environment we're a part of.
Change can only occur when both parties are willing and wanting to shift the nature of the conflict toward resolution. We can't always expect a definitive, positive outcome. As each one has their own thought process.
Anything is a win when we find a middle ground for both parties. It's all a matter of practice and how we perceive each circumstance. Eventually, it is about protecting your peace and asserting your boundaries.
This practice teaches us to discern the levels of internalization. Of what we internalize, how much we internalize, and if it is even necessary.
When we use any information to inspire us to progress to the next step, we use internalization with an appropriate intent.
However, internalizing other people's opinions of us is a mark of inappropriate internalization - as it crosses our boundaries and disrespects our sense of being.
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