On Taking Up Space

I believe that this has been my lesson for life so far. To take up more space. While I was growing up, somewhere along the way I realized that I used to be apologetic for taking up space. There was no specific circumstance as such. But I believe it was an accumulation of many things that happened - with my young, rebel-like mindset and responses.

I somehow believed that it was all on me - to grow through life and accomplish my dreams. But somewhere along the way, this mindset only isolated me from others, while I pursued it. I carried all the load on myself and never allowed others to help me. I had a hostile view towards my immediate world. Now that I look back, I see I didn't trust anyone because I didn't allow them to carry my trust in any form.

Now that I have been through more experiences in life, it taught me to lower down my guard. I do not have to trust someone immediately. But I can take my time to get to know them - and trust them with little bits of my life.

My ideals of freedom have also shifted. I now believe that true freedom lies in healthy interdependency. As a human, I can never do everything on my own. Of course, I need the presence of my loved ones, and like-minded people to consider perspectives, and most importantly to support me through times when I don't understand the transitions happening in life.

Embodiment Practices:

Taking up space also meant taking up space in my body. As I began the first of my yoga practices a few months back, I realized that it was teaching me to get comfortable leaning into the discomfort in my body. The discomfort was my life's narratives that restricted me to my past. The yoga practices enabled me to gently lean into the difficult parts and meet them at my capacity. Eventually, it got easier to meet these blocks. I cultivated more capacity to meet the layers at my depths. Eventually, my depths didn't scare me anymore.

Additionally, I also began a practice to express natural movements. In these practices, I would release any shame - and allow my body to move in ways that it felt like. Initially, it was difficult. Now it's one of the practices I pursue to connect with my natural self. These expressions reflect the state of your conscious mind. There are no goals to meet here. You can simply be, and meet your present state of mind.

These practices further teach us that accepting now is the way forward.

Creative Expressions:

Writing and Painting really allowed me to express myself. In both cases, all I had to do was to show up and begin my practice. There was no to impress or convince. There was no one to perform for. Just me and a blank canvas - waiting for my conscious spirit to come alive into tangibility.

Feel the Feelings, Experience the Emotions:

All of our internal worlds are distinct from others. Circumstances impact us in different ways and in different intensities. Eventually, I reached a point where I could accept the strangest and most conflicting emotions. I no longer needed validation from others - to make my feelings make sense. Eventually, I could do it myself. And to be honest, this has been my biggest win in terms of emotional development.

Communication and Boundaries:

The above practices helped me cultivate a sense of self in my body and mindset. I could clearly discern my thought process from others'. And once I was aware of this, I could choose what I wanted to believe. This further began to reflect in the way I communicated my space. The kind of conversations I would be a part of, and even speak up when others would highly opinionate on the way I pursued my days. Initially, it was strange because this was a new territory for me. I had never felt this way before - a sense of control, the consequences of my choices. These insights led me towards liberating my mind-held prison.

I wanted to express this because I wanted to reflect. It feels like there has been a timeline shift from the person I used to be. I can now confidently say that regarding many aspects of my life, I have become the person I was inspired to be. These experiences have only further reinforced the fact that when we commit to consciously re-creating ourselves, we can be whoever we want. 

Eventually, taking up space was more about me allowing me to see myself, rather than to be seen by others. The point of it all was to learn to break free of the conditioned mindset, to know that we have always been free.