The other day before going for my run, I felt self-conscious of my appearance. Despite going on innumerable runs before, I experienced this. I think it stemmed from the fact that my weight had increased, and I felt heavier than usual. The stuffy, humid weather also didn't support me to feel better about myself.
So I said to myself - "I am going for a run. I am bound to get sweaty and huff & puff along my way." I gave myself permission to feel as ugly as I quite possibly could. And continued with my morning run.
I would have to say that was one of my most fun, enjoyable and challenging runs. In fact, the more I accepted the feeling of ugliness, the more beautiful my run felt within and outside.
I enjoyed the cool morning breeze that provided me respite from the stuffy humid weather. The early morning weekend, the innocent slow pace of the passers-by, and the cotton candy ambience of the sunrise. I could listen to the bird song distinctly, and even the different types of chirps. In all this, I also played with the cutest little cat.
This experience was an eye-opener. I feel like all these years, I have immersed myself in experiences while being conscious of what others thought of me. This experience taught me that when I allow myself to fall, I give myself the space to experience my worst and my failures. Most importantly, it shows me what my failures look like in reality, instead of imagining and ruminating about the failure in my mind. Which in my opinion is a waste of precious mind energy.
I know now that I am gonna give myself more space to be my worst - so I can finally experience what it feels like to give my best in my endeavours!
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