It's Not All That You See

Everyone is living a life we're never gonna know everything about. Each person we come across is just another story in our minds. However, we dehumanize others when we look at them as just another idea.

Yesterday I came across a TED talk titled 'The Danger of a Single Story'. The speaker, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, spoke about how a one-person narrative can tend to negate other authentic and rightful experiences of people. The context or origin with which we envision any narrative creates the foundation with which we perceive other stories related to them.

Please find the link here: https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story?geo=hi&subtitle=en

This video allowed me to provide the grace and consideration I needed. Sometimes, we tend to unconsciously create a whole idea of someone based on a label that we're familiar with. This action dehumanizes and discredits all of their other day-to-day lived experiences that we're not familiar with.

Each person, place or object existing within a system, has an intricate series of experiences they have been subjected to. Viewing someone else's story requires us to cultivate a sense of empathy. Meaning, we're never going to understand what it feels like to live their narrative. However, for a minute, we can care enough to listen to their point of view.

Empathy is a form of humility. It humbles our thought process. It nudges us to remember that all that we know, might not even be all there is. This is why we need to tread gently with others. We'll never know the intentions guiding their lives, thought processes, psychological evolution, and ways of being.

The hardest thing through this is that you wish people understand your experiences. But they can only understand you, to the level of their experiences.

You exist in the context of all that in which you live, and what came before you.

None of our experiences are the same. Intersectional? Yes. Eventually, we've just got to play the cards we're dealt with. 

Re-wiring your Brain: A Method of Conscious Control

Reclaiming a conscious control of our lives requires us to be first, be aware of our automatic thought patterns and response suggestions.

There's very little control we can exert over our lives. This control begins from within- over our thoughts, preferences, attitudes, intentions and responses.

Rewiring your daily behaviour is an intentional practice. It requires one to be aware of the feelings generated in one's bodies with regards to any circumstance, and their interpretation of it.

This practice also comes down to a decision. That we no longer want to feel a certain way about ourselves, because it upsets us. Therefore, this practice makes space to create ease, compassion, kindness and joy in our lives.

A Practice:

The next time you are triggered, and your brain wants to make a hurtful comment about you, take a pause. Do not follow through or complete the thought. It takes a certain amount of practice to get there. Eventually, it gets easier.

Once, you're in the pause, tell yourself - "I am feeling triggered right now, and I might not say good things about myself when I am not in the right mind space. So right now, I am gonna refrain from saying anything mean about me."

Your mind is like a child, hence it listens to your instructions. Initially, there might be some resistance along the lines of "But this is what happens, and this means I am not good enough".

You can listen to the fears, and respond in a way that comforts your mind for now. "Maybe so far, but we can choose not to believe this, and we can get there soon enough". In this way, you're not dismissing a thought pattern that your body has known so far, and making space to progress towards a new thought framework.

Another practice is getting to the root of your mind connections. You can just decide on a new thought pattern. For instance, next time you feel discomfort about your body, you can say something like "Just because I feel this way, doesn't mean I am a bad person. It just means that I am getting comfortable in my body. My body is beautiful, and I love it. It takes care of me". You can practise any phrase that feels most natural to you.

While practising any shifts, remember that the steps can be improvised to suit your understanding of how the world works.

Every practice is different, and people connect with their practices in their own ways. It might take a while to get a hang of it. However, the crucial point is to just start. It is a conscious commitment to the process. It requires trust and repetition. Most importantly, your decision to never look back.

The outcome can take various forms, and show up in different ways in everyone.